I wrote this on September 5th 2008..

I thought it is time to share some old notes and stuff I have written.. I wrote this when my dad was dying of Cancer, R.I.P. Dad ❤


Open your heart and let life in! It sounds so easy, but what do i know. For almost my whole life i stayed inside my own shell.

Like i realized lately – this is not good. So from now i have to try to open myself. Showing my feelings. Not letting the people who i have in my life think that everything is good all the times. Because it is not. These days my life is hard. am i losing my happy self! i Do not like that. So then i write and write – to shake this feeling i have inside. To let myself go a little. Showing the world that we all have different stories. Some have the same – but we tackle them in our own way.

My dear friends who always tell me that they are here for me. My heart is in your hands these days. I can not handle it alone anymore. It is to much for me to think these days!
C guides me in the right direction. She’s my sister on the other side of the world. We have long talks about everything and nothing. She is honest and Korean so our souls are alike! The connection is indescribable. We just click together!

S whom I’ve known my whole life. We have been through so much together. Been apart for a few years. But still it feels like we never parted. She’s here for me anytime of the day. Catching me when I fall. Remembering things for me. Telling me whats happening around me when I can not tell.

They are both brutally honest lovely ladies and I love you both NOW AND FOREVER!!

I smile – that is my protection against questions about how I really feel. I tell you that I can handle it. People think that I am strong. But to tell you all the truth; I am just me, I am fragile, I can break, I do cry, I do get sad, I do have feelings, I do feel lonely and I do crawl under the covers wishing things where different. My rough outside is to protect whats inside – my heart!

© 2008 Lady AhY

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