More than just….


I have spent my whole life trying to please others, helping them, being there for them and support them in whatever choices they make. So what is so wrong about wanting others to understand me, myself and I in eternity?

This is like being a shadow in my own life and I am trying to take control over it, life is just not like that. It is complicated because of all the other factors that shows up daily. I struggle with an consciousness that makes me feel bad when I say no to people. I am the person that “always” says yes. But it has to change so I can feel better and get control over my life again. I have read a lot about this, Bipolar Disorder, and I found out that it suits me quite well. So on Monday I am going back to my doctor and then we will see what happens next.

The thing that is more real now is that I have a word and description on how I feel and have felt my whole life. Since I am adopted there is no knowing of my heritage from my family. Bipolar is most likely genetic I have read and they often diagnosed them with ADHD or PTSD earlier. This will just create a new problem, because you will get the wrong medicine and treatment. I think the first step you have to take is to admit that you do not have an illness! Then it will be easier and the puzzle falls into places.

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