Inside again..


I feel so far away from reality at the moment that I do not even know the days anymore, my mind feels like a big blah and blur! As i learn, grow and go, i try again. So you all do know that giving up is not an option. Tho you want it all to stop, like trains do on every station, taking each moment and treasure it.

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I have been known for the girl that always say that i will be alright, but it is all a lie,  have not been alright in ages. Never have I felt more alone either, so it all feels like this big curse forever. But there is something clouding my mind at the same time, like cotton, is it the Zyprexa? And I feel like I am loosing contact with reality, because I cannot tell the difference between my head and the outside world. I see and hear things that supposedly is not here, but my breakout tell me otherwise. But I also feel empty, maybe it is the-i-donot-care-state-of-being. I do not know! But the thing I do know is that I am sick of all the lies being told to my face, I am sorry, but there is no fucking need to sugarcote anything! I can handle the truth, the one thing I cannot handle and also one of the things that push me over is lies!

I am surprised over the people that go around and live life selfishly, I really do not know, because I have heard “that is the way to live, because no one cares for you anymore”. I really do not want to believe this because I care, I care a lot for the people I love and would do almost anything! So it is so hard for me to understand why some will hurt other on purpose, and deny it afterwards. So how may times will this repeat itself? When is enough enough… ?

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