Episode..


I had a real manic episode yesterday, with yelling and I lost complete control over myself. I hate these episodes, and the worst thing is that I triggered it with an hallucination…! Is this really all me every time?!? But when there’s no one to assure me that this isn’t reality, I’m easily gone in the other world. Fuck, I hate it all! In the end all I am left with is myself and my empty fucked up head that just fills itself up with voices! I thought the Zyprexa was supposed to make them go away, it’s an antipsychotic drug. But they won’t go away as long as lies is a part of my everyday. There’s a lot I can handle, but the girl that think she’s better than everybody else because she’s living a lie, I don’t need that shit! Don’t talk about me like you know me, you don’t even know the half of it. As they said earlier, I don’t know if it is because I’m Bipolar or that I’m crazy, but my sixth sense is very much a reality. While my crazy side, isn’t that crazy… Or?

I need something certain in life, something that I can depend on. It hurts when you put yourself out there like your completely naked. Picture yourself in front of all the people that you embarrassed, naked, what would you say? My thought is, oh so you thought it was a dressing dinner? But I would never go as far as speaking in public like that, I’m to shy. It doesn’t fit my shoe. I just feel like I don’t belong anymore…

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