All alone again with my own shadow, not knowing why I feel so blue. I guess you normal folks would say it is the Monday blues, but it is not. It is like this all the time at the moment. I increased my dosage from15 mg to 20 mg Cipralex a day, hoping this will make me more energised throughout the day and maybe a little bit less depressed. Hoping that the hospitalisation is not that far await. 


I am taking time for a new tattoo, and I am loving it. It will symbol everything I am, the Phoenix bird that will fly away and the anchor that is supposed to keep me grounded. Do you ever feel like you want to fly away? Or is this life enough for you? In my dream world I create people, places and all these wonderful things. Where are they in real life? Why is my days black like the night is? All these questions and no answers, I do not care for that. I just want the truth, because the truth is all that really is!

I long for the summer and sunshine, why is it all grey and snowy. Shouldn’t this season be over by now? Is there no one out there listening? Take me with you, lets fly away and never look back. Be the change in your own life, not letting everybody else decide for you. I do not choose solitary, it is just the best I can do for now. Sitting here, thinking, rapid, ups, downs, lows, but no highs. I miss my highs, I would give a lot for that feeling, just for a few minutes! Where are you? Doesn’t the white knight come to save me from my misery?

No t that everything is bad, but my feelings I cannot shake. I wish I could and I would. Not depending to much in others, be my own me. Why doesn’t this come naturally to me, why do I have to struggle? Don’t tell me it is for nothing, this life – isn’t there more to it?