I wonder if someone ever thinks of me, like I do of others? I do not want to be alone anymore, please save me. This endless road to whatever becomes more and more meaningless as moments pass. I lost myself again and do not know where to look anymore. Why does it always take so much time and energy from me? Why cant it just for once, be easy for me?

Do you hear my dreams, thoughts, my everything? Do you ever listen, to the heartbeat of the soul of another person. Like the delicate flowers on a sunny day. I do not ask for much, its all really easy. Be the person you want to meet, act like there is no one watching, be a little crazy – live life! And the reality hits, I am 31 year – wow! Hmmm, thats not old or anything, but still I had wished different for myself. Though I am very happy that I finally will get it sorted out, I just wished I was honest with myself sooner than before. But the truth is all that really is! I wished I had the energy to go out and socialise, just hang out, dance and laugh! Please come back!

I think my days are effected by the Zyprexa, as I do not want to move, I am able to cook and shower, but it is exhausting. Just going to my therapist is hell… I feel that everybody is watching me, when will this stop? The rapid-cycling between moods and depressions, I experience during the day. Yes, I self medicate, but to feel more “normal” as i do not know how that feels. Another question is; Am I egoistic?

I do not think so… But what do I know… I just dream!