As the days go I am back on 15 mg cipralex, I don’t think it is right. I feel different, less energetic, more inside my head. I shiver and shake, don’t really know why. But my hands can’t sit still at all. They race faster than my eyes and head. Why?

To you whom read this; I have reach over 2000 views, thank you! Thank you for taking time out of your busy days and lives to read what I write and experience. This makes me feel less alone. But I wonder if you do understand us? I am honoured that so many of you follow me through this life!

I try to live life day by day, but I fail. Because I have the vivid reality complex.. Is this really do bad? It makes my days shorter, thus the thing I look forward to are sleeping. It is probably the Zyprexa that does that. Since I have also noticed a slightly change in my hallucinations. I don’t see as much stuff as earlier, but I still see these black rabbits and cats. And I hear people commenting about me… Freaky and very disturbing, because it takes a lot of time and energy figuring out whats real and whats not. I am not sure where I am going, but I know that it can only be better than this! Lost and alone, like the Phoenix bird that has no where to go, I seek out my road. Wishing that I knew all the things and that there were no surprises. Just smooth sailing in the clouds, with the sun shining and smiles on our faces. Is it to much to ask for? Just to be for a second, not struggle, nor feeling misplaced.

I am going through a rough patch now and are mostly depressed. Thus I sit with you and smile, remember it is not you, it is inside my head. I sorry that I am not more joyful these days, but bear with me and I will be back!