One is the loneliest number

I want someone to hold my hand when I am sad and lonely. Someone that will be here for me no matter what and don’t lie to me. Is this to much to ask for? Am I being too needy? Whats is wrong with you people, sneaking around behind others back, fucking around and being dishonest. I do not care for this, I really hate it when people get hurt. I would rather live in a bubble, with only me and mine, than being a part of a fucked-up-affair!


Doesn’t we all want the same, someone to be with? The one that take your breath away, non the less makes your whole world smile in one instant second. I wish you knew how much love I have to give, how powerful the number of two is and how great life could be. So as I sit alone, I re-think my life as my thoughts do this rapid-cycling. I always choose the wrong people, being abused and used again and again. Not knowing where I went wrong. Being unable to see it clearly and not realising before it is to late is now my brand as a Bipolar person. I do not like my medicine anymore, they make me numb and sleepy. So I am on the search for something new, whatever that means. I am sure you will see a lot of different stuff in the future now that I have my appointment locked down. Cutting down on meds and all that will be a struggle and I am anxious about it. Nervous and a little bit afraid! Wishing someone was here walking me through this, baby steps. So please comment and tell your own experiences around this. I feel alone and lost! I just want to come back, be a part of something again. Do not leave me in the shadow, because I cannot sparkle or shine when I am there.

Valium cuts of everything, I just become this big blob of human flesh… Feeling not like myself at all! I need someone to take care of me, so I can just be for a second…

I see the sun shining outside my window, but still I cannot bear myself to go outside in this spring-teas.