So I went to my meeting at the hospital, I am feeling empty and sad. I am missing words that can describe this, loneliness and despair that surrounds me. Where is the freedom you tell me exists, is it out here or inside underneath all the layers. Losing myself and not knowing is a known feeling now, I wish you could see it with your eyes.

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The doctor at the hospital told me that I might be schizophrenic in some way more than Bipolar, but I had one hour to tell them my story. A lot is unsaid, but the seven pages document they got should cover the understory. I cried and cried and I still do. But the good news is that in two weeks, hopefully, the treatments and diagnosing has started… There is a few things I have to do myself, I cannot smoke weed or take more than 10 mg Valium per day. Personally the Valium fucks up more, but the since weed is illegal – you know I have to do what the doctors tell me. So this is day two without and one day closer to treatment!

I don’t feel like me anymore, I am so sad all the time… I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me I will be fine…