Something new…


I am stuck in this weird place where everything that can happen happens. This is not my intention or will to have it all happen at once, but as my life goes on I understand that this is my life. I thought I had enough to deal with, but as it has come to my attention I might have Glaucoma. Hopefully it is nothing, but this is not something I need in my life. The test will be ready in a month. Also the hospital called me today and told me I will be admitted on Monday the 15th of April at 9:30 am. I have to say that I wonder and contemplate, but I hope this will be a good experience as well as help for me.

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To be alone in my own head with the demons, hallucinations and all the other stuff that I cannot explain to you without you questioning my every word. I feel left out, you know misplaced, unwanted and so on. I feel as I do not belong anywhere and that people in my life only stay with me when there is nothing else to do or happening. My head spins and the guilt built itself up, as a volcanic outburst that no one can control. I am in love with love and hope that someday you will find your way here to me, another day, just breathe!

Unwillingly I sit alone in the darkness, with my thoughts and disturbed vivid-realities. So I just breathe and believe in the light. Another day as my breath feels unknown as there is another person controlling my every being. I hope you all know who you are and that even though I write a lot of sad and empty feelings, I have people in my life that I think I can trust. I have not lost the believing in people, because there are good people in this world and my lifetime. Hopefully I will meet people who know and understand how this illness effect me and my life. Maybe I will come back… As I in the shadow do not know much right now…

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