Life is unfair, but do I have the right to say something or is this just me? When everything falls apart and I do not know how to hold myself together. What do I do, do I take the medicine that is described for me or should I stay away from these sleeping pills?

Not being able to sleep more than three-four hours every night is hard for me and my. My brain is so filled with unnecessary bullshit and I have  problems with solving them and sorting them out. In reality things happens, but in my little world I am some what trapped. even though I am on my way to recovery slowly, day by day, it is a long road.

My sleeping pattern is somewhat none existing, I still sleep three till four hours every day, wake up around 5 am and am wide awake. They gave me some new medicine. I am not on zyprexa anymore, instead they decrease the dosage of Cipralex down to 15 mg a day, and I am on Seroquel  300 mg (depot) and 100 mg(alternative) during day time. This slows down my racing thoughts and paranoia. But the dosages are pretty large for my little body. But I can take a lot, maybe to much. So for my sleeping problems I am on 40 mg Vallergan. And during the day I have Atarax 75 mg and valium 10 mg to get me through my anxieties. These days it is not easy being me, but I try to stay strong and not fly away like I used to do. Being admitted here is also the best thing that has happened for me, because I have someone who listen and helps me sorting my life out. It is not that I should numb my pain with pills, but they are my safety net so I can coop through the day.