Lost again…

Where am I going, is this all a huge pile of papers, people and obstacles? I feel lost and alone, but should I not feel more like “me”?

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All these questions fly around in my head as they have their own life inside and under my scull. I wish that I was more together and calm, like you “normal” people. It is not easy having a mental illness, it is not visible for you and yours. I am being judged and it hurts my heart. It hits me like a stone, not being able to stand up for myself and my pain is real. More real now than ever as reality hits me and I am sinking with my ship..

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So I believe in the light, the one that shines up on us and give us the power and strength to just be and keep on going… As the last day at Oslo Hospital slowly shows itself as an reality I am more lost now than ever. Trying to be and say the correct things, my persona slowly disappears into nothingness…