Is it over already? Please don’t tell me that this is it… I haven’t felt the warmth from the sun on my body so much this year. And now it feels like the fall is taking over. Not that the weather is important to me, because I’ve experienced that there is no rules for how I feel. Neither am I influenced by the weather. This is exhausting because I really never know how I feel or what will happen.
Being in my hometown, Tønsberg, visiting my mom, it is somewhat a mixture of different states and emotions mixed into something like a milkshake with lumps. This not having control over my insides, is difficult. But I want me back, I want to be the one that smiles to make it all better. I haven’t been home for over eight months! Crazy long time. But I got here yesterday. And I’m feeling proud, because Im here now. There are some anxiety and stress, but I was also had an appointment to see my Psychiatrist before take off from Oslo. He gave me more medicine, 4x25mg Seroquel that I can take during the days, everyday. I try to stay positive and hoping it’ll make it all a little easier and smooth. I don’t mind my manic and depressive states, but I know they aren’t good for me because I over spend my cash or make decisions that aren’t good for me or my life. It’s just that I feel more alive when I swing/rapid-cycling because my whole life I’ve been “living” everybody else’s life and not my own. So I’m trying to turn it all around, be positive and smile… Yeah, that’s not easy for me. It’s hard and complexed, but I really try every day. And I will get it “together-ish” someday in the future.
Right now my mom and I are sitting on the balcony, she’s sleeping while I do this you know. Tønsberg has changed, the city has been refurnished and new looking. We walked to centrum, my mom had an eye doctor appointment and I walked around. Bought myself a Bubble Tea and spring rolls, sat my tush down and waited. In this city there are a lot of troubled people and it makes an impression on me. I feel for them and at the same time I don’t… And then I think about all of you out there whom never helped another person in your whole life. Turn this around! People need people to get ahead. There are values and treasures that will rock your world if you make someone smile!
Now we’re waiting for my aunt, my mom’s sister, Brita and Dina (the dog). We’re bbq-ing if the weather holds up. And yes, I am the chef this evening… Stay true and be safe my dear readers ❤