It’s not

I live to survive and keep my head almost up high as the days pass. Letting my thoughts race and put me off-beat. Is all I know of, so when I now try to get back into place it’s hard. I keep a distance to other people because I’m afraid of getting hurt. If this is healthy or not, I don’t know… But the thing is that when I’m with a group friends I withdraw myself inside. I don’t know how to act and then it’s all bad, but no one notices…Image

I do manage, but I’m curious about further down the line. Will I ever be happy in my own skin? I need to find a hobby, something to keep my mind busy. For now I have decorating in the new home… But that doesn’t go on forever and then I’m left with all this restlessness. Sometimes I end up in a full-blown panic-attack, I hate it. It seems like it lasts for ever and it’s so difficult to get out of the state of mind, but somehow I manage… This is fight that goes on and on, like there is no end to this. I want the white picket fence, romance and the whole nine yards! But it’s probably to much to ask for nowadays…Image

I miss my highs! Do you feel the same? I know its exhausting, but it’s so much more manageable then the lows. I get that for you who don’t know how it is, we’re somewhat to much to handle when we fly away. Keeping up is probably the worst… And I love this, to be honest. I think it has something to do with the elevating feeling, it’s a high like nothing else! But I know it’s not good for me… But still, just a few every year?

Happy Weekend everybody!