Wednesday was the greyest day here, yesterday night was filled with Puerto Banus, Italian food and drinks, followed by a night of dancing out at Seven. A fun night filled with small surprises and embarrassing moments. Not by me, but some of my friends and I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. In life you get to experience and search for things you want, not just sit by the side and stare. As this holiday slowly comes to an end, I try to appreciate the little things. So tonight we’re going to this asian restaurant nearby to eat Teppanyaki and drink some Sake. BTW, we haven’t had Tapas yet, but when in Spain….
I’m in a state these days where I’m really hypomanic, I almost don’t sleep, there are only 3-4 hours and that’s to little. I can feel my “eyes” turning blue and it makes me worry. I try to stay away from the sleeping pills and Valium since they only makes me bloated and my tolerance is increased. So its better to stay away from them for now. But while I am here, I can feel my illnesses is blushing up underneath my skin. Here there are so many triggers points and I’m to shy and quiet to say anything, because when I do this I’m almost always misunderstood and people get angry and distance towards me. I feel this like you hit me with a shovel and split my brain in two. This is one thing that you “normal” people doesn’t know how to handle with us who has these diagnoses. Inside me it feels like I blow up like an atom bomb and this has nothing to do with you, but because of ignorance and conceiting a lot of people think that this has to do with you. But in reality we have enough with ourselves… It is not that I don’t like other people it’s just that I wish that you would spend as much time to try to understand me that I do with you all… It makes me sad, that’s all! I believe that my friends doesn’t understand, even tough they say they do. Please don’t do this, because it’s so obvious when you yell at me for something that I didn’t say or do. I spend almost 80% of my days, wondering if someone really understand me, except for you whom are in the same situation.
When the sun took a pause yesterday, we went in to Puerto Banus and pretended to be Ritchy Rrich, I’m not convinced…I’m sorry! It was a fun night, but the food wasn’t good, only expensive and that’s disappointing to me. I don’t mean to be negative, but I have to be honets, yes we are here out of season, but anyway – the food should be more amaze than this… And the weird thing is that I am more sad now than I have been in a long time. Depression is one thing, but sadness isn’t easy for me to handle because I so bad at showing feelings…