If there’s Hope


It’s been long pause, I really don’t know where the time went. For me it has been like a second, wink. Looking back I haven’t done that much really, except for trying to live this life. And here is the million dollar question: Who am I? This answer should be easy, but there are so many choices. In whom I can be. It feels like I have lost myself along this way to “me-ness”. The echo out here is unbareable lonely and empty. Where there earlier was someone answering there’s now no one… 

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For my life I wish nothing but happiness and lots of love, but I do wonder if the Universe has the same plan. When you feel something it’s all on the surface. While for me it’s like my whole world swallows your and everybody else’s feelings and they crawl under my skin where no way to escape. So this reminds me of Christmas, the time of joy. Come this day we all will be smiling, but why? I face this every day, but some days are worse than others. Feeling alone you say, try standing in the middle of a room, with nothing but family around you and still don’t feel like you belong. Feel the pain, you feel you put upon others, your own pain for letting yourself think this and so on…. But in some weird way I have found some bits of myself, trying to make it my own me again. Being open and honest, leaving the poker face at home. Let myself feel insecure and vulnerable in front of others. This is so exhausting for me and my body, I wish this to be gone. Also my new medicine, Orfiril, seems to have a positive effect on me. 300mg three times a day.

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Lately all my energy has been spent on one friend, a dear friend who need someone. And I am here for you, leaving hope for you. I believe in people and second chances. And even sometimes you have that exception that needs all of your attention and help. So they can be a better person to themselves. Any time, day or night, I am here  for you!

So until next time, take care of each other. You never know how much it can mean to another person.

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