There is a lot going on these says. With treatments, soon starting in group therapy and medicines. My head is so full that it aches and its painful, like a black big hole drilling itself throughout my brain. It’s 2014 and I’m on my way to new adventures and people. But this aches I could do without. Where does it come from, I almost never had headaches and why isn’t it anything for this pain?
As I walk around in my own little world, with music in my ears and my head all over the chart. I see all these people and I think to myself; Does anyone see my pain, the tears in my eyes or the love in my heart? I would never know, but I can honestly say that I do that with the people. I help, give advice and the most valuable thing, time. Never the need to explain anything for me, because I can see your soul behind your eyes. The loneliness is almost unbearable, I wish I could control my mind. Instead all the bad memories is starting to take over my everyday life. I see it all happens over and over again… My heart is in pain, while I put the smile on my face – game face is on. Is it hard for you to remember that I struggle every day, just to cope and get through the day. I have been through enough and too much, but with my head held high I try and what else can you demand? I was to pride to show my real feelings, but my shield is gone and I feel naked in the snow. And then you have the same moment with a few seconds of joy, when I feel the snow on my face.
Here mental illnesses are still taboo, but the stigma is so wrong and we’re not crazy. We just have another insight, a different way to see the world. I wish people would recognise and don’t judge, it’s 2014! In my circle there aren’t that many that really knows what this illness does to me. Even when I go to therapy I doubt. But it isn’t my intention to do so, my brain won’t chill. And I am so much more than Bipolar, BPD, Anxiety and PTSS. These are all just diagnoses, I turn them in to something valuable. Telling the truth and show the world that we’re not lazy or crazy, just a little different and a little alien like. Don’t be afraid or judgemental because you will ending up losing a friend for life. I love unconditionally as long as you deserve it, but if you cross me wrong I will cut you off! I don’t have time for trigger-persons anymore. You give nothing but negativity and depression!
I see all these pages on Facebook, where you made a page for bipolar and so on. It’s a start on the right path… So take a deep breath and exhale the bullshit!
Happy Monday to all my readers, thanks for taking the time to read my stories 🙂