Where there’s love, there are people who suffer and where there are people who suffer there is always someone who will catch you when you fall or? And for me, love is the ultimate thing. It doesn’t only count for your significant other, but friends and family as well. To love someone so much that I always will be here for them. I can see my melancholic mood taking over and I’m sure it is because of me leaving Thailand tomorrow. I really don’t want to go back, it feels so wrong and unnatural.
I’m afraid of ending up alone with the voices in my head, no family of my own and no one whom loves me. But I will not settle for whatever, I want it to be real and special. Like there are only us two in the whole wide world. I feel like a ghostwriter, except for there aren’t any celebrities taking credit for my work. I’m just a piece in the pod without knowing what I really am. I’m lost in this place we call the world, where you supposed to have your shit figured out and I don’t have that. My shit is all over the place, like someone made a brain smoothie and forgot to put the lid on. But in a Bipolar mind, what can I really expect, except for millions of different thoughts in my mind all the time? Nevertheless some places and people will always stick, like the sticky rice here in Thailand with it’s sweet taste.
Life isn’t all about having it all, but to collect knowledge about people, places and things that interest you and will help you on your journey through life. I’m an observer, it mean I collect information about people, not for the sake of using it against you. But for me to get more information about how people work and their life. People here in Thailand does not have it all, but they are satisfied with having less and that makes them less selfish and materialistic. The thing we people should learn, is to care about each other as a community and not tearing down walls just to get more or convince yourselves that you are all that. Because in the end you need people around you, so choose your words carefully and stay humble and true to your surroundings.
I want my life to be filled with love, happiness, friends, family and music. Not materialistic things, but the brilliant things that gives me a reason to not give up, but to get up every morning and keep it going. I don’t want to follow the voices inside of my head, the ones who tell me; end this, it is not worth it! I fight a battle, an invisible one that no ones sees or hears except me and myself. So when I sit there, in the corner silent and looking sad. There is nothing more I want except a hug and hear someone say, it will be ok in the end you see and I got your back, don’t be afraid!