Vancouver and you….

New continent, new adventures. I’t’s time to live life to the fullest and  never regret anything. It’s better to fall down, get yourself up, brush off the dirt and go on! I’m taking my chances, but I’m not scared or frightened like some of my friends are! I know I’m impulsive, but life isn’t about playing it safe. I see some kind envy in your faces, but I think it’s because I just throw myself out there and don’t look back or contemplate things.


It’s an easy decision, leaving my home for Vancouver and a man by the name Gord. It’s only for one week now, but you never know, I might suddenly be back. I have never been in Canada, except for at the airport in Toronto. So this will be amazing, I’m sure of that! Sightseeing from the sky, in a helicopter. Yes thats his job.. I’ve been in a helicopter once earlier, but thats four years ago. And then I only was a passenger, maybe I can be “co-pilot”! Hihi! I’m on the flight to Amsterdam, before changing planes there. All together it’s about 13 hours, but what don’t I do for you and love..


I had two horrible weeks, with depression and anxiety, but since I got the news about this trip I’ve been walking around with huge smile on my face! I don’t think Norway is the right country for me to live in, no offense. But I feel lonely, lost, weird, like a black sheep and so on.. I feel my medicines makes me “boring”, because of the tiredness and not having energy to go out dancing… But I’m starting to see the real value of good friends, family and relationships. I know now more about what I shouldn’t tolerate and waiting for someone to come around is just a waste of time. I got an insight when i was in Thailand and I’m grateful for that. Learning more about myself and my limits, as well for trying to use the word “no” without feeling guilty. I don’t know how many of you that really get me, because I have trouble understanding my brain myself almost all the time. My hallucinations are back, the cats, rabbits, humans and flies. I had an appointment with my doctor and he told me I have to be admitted again, for three to six months. This is a place that will help with diagnoses and medicine for my current bipolar, bpd, ptsd, anxiety and the newbie; Dissociative Disorder. I really don’t know what to expect this time either, but I hope it’ll get my body connected… I just have to tell you my dear readers, that I am not my diagnoses, I’m still me, the same person behind the curtains. But I want my life in order. You can break me down and I fall.. But I surely will do everything to get back up again. But then you have the times where all I want is to lay down and die. So I cry and stay inside. So when you see me, there are no signs. I keep my appearance, mental illness aren’t visible! But underneath it all there are scars and wounds that will never heal! I just have to learn to coop with it….


So take me away, my knight in the night….





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