I Wonder

I am following some advice from different people and started to write in both English and Norwegian. My Norwegian site is, http://anybryde.wordpress.com and will be in Norwegian. These sites will not overlap, there will be different themes, but it could be that some stories are old and similar. I’m showing you my all, every inside of my insecurities. It’s hard being alone in this world where everybody is so busy with their own lives and problems. 

I got problems, huge ones, diagnoses, thoughts, frenemies, voices inside my head, monsters besides and under my bed. There are mornings where I wake up and feel so unworthy and small. Its hard to see this clearly now, because of my assessments and all the questions and answers this brings up. Loneliness is something that is so real in my life and the feeling of it is making me feel even more lonely. Yes, there are judgy-judgesons out here and they will always give me that, “You look different”. Like today, I went to a store here in Oslo and the security; “I’m sorry, we’re closed.” Yes, he spoke to me in English… I don’t mind, but this keeps me feeling misplaced. Lost in this place we all call life, where everybody is supposed to live up to what everybody else does. 


The sun has been shining and showing of here in Oslo these days. I have been looking around at all the people, thinking about how their lives are and how they are when they are together. The summer, sunshine and heat brings everything outside. Happy couples in the parks, eating ice cream, lunches, dinners, snuggling and holding each other. I miss my man on the other side of the world, I would easily jump down the fox hole with him and for him. This keeps me wondering, are I in the right place? Should I be thinking about relocating. The day we met we were both in Chiang Mai, the complete opposite from both our worlds. He caught my eye and I’ve been eying him since. It’s strange how much difference a word, look, smile and food can do. 


Life served me a lot of lemons lately and I’m trying my best to make the lemonade. But I’m not even close yet… I need my partner in crime!