Take Responsibility


Does it need to be so difficult? Shouldn’t something be easier and come to me, instead of me having to go around feeling guilty, pain and bad. Because some people can’t see themselves, so instead of admitting the guilt, they put it on everybody else. I have a few diagnoses, thus this do not give you or anyone else the right to hit, throw me in the wall, on the floor, say nasty things, throw garbage cans, water bottles and blame me for it! Its hurtful and makes me sick to my stomach. That there are people like you in this world, whom abuse their significant other. Shame on the you! Grow up and pay your dues! I invested time in you and I regret that I ever met you! You made it this way!

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Otherwise the summer is back, with rain and a thunder storm. It’s nice to sit inside and smell the rain, the air is crisp and fresh! I’m done with my assessment for Dissociative Identity Disorder, my therapist is going through it and I will get the “result” in July. Its shameful to see that there are ignorant people whom blame my diagnoses without even having any real information or insight about mental illnesses. I wish people educated themselves more, so these stigmas didn’t happen. You don’t blame a diabetic for being diabetic, do you? Please, take a look in the mirror and be honest, what do you see? Are you proud of yourself for being stupid, dumb and ignorant? It’s so shitty that this happens to people! Stand up against abuse, don’t support them!

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If you  are willing to spend time and get to know about these diagnoses, I’m open about my life and the shit I go through and have been through. So if there are questions, just comment and I will answer as good as I can. There are a lot I don’t understand quite yet, for instant my thoughts are so dark and the emotions are hard to deal with when I’m depressed. But as I’m hypomanic as we speak, my thoughts, mouth and fingers doesn’t get along. None of them are working together, it’s exhausting for me because of the lack of sleep and my restlessness. I know I have good people in my life that support me for who I am and care for me. The ones who will give their all for little me, weird and wonderful at the same time! I’m struggling with how to ask for help, letting people see me cry and being vulnerable. So when I get compliments from friends it’s difficult to understand it, because my brain turns it into shit. How? Why does it do that? All this fucking shit, bad personalities and abuse has made me somewhat not being able to understand compliments and positive feedback. Are you feeling like this as well? Yeah I have more than one diagnose, but I’m not my diagnoses, they are only inside my head and you who attack us with mental illness should be schooled!

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Love,

AnyBryde

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One thought on “Take Responsibility

  1. I don’t take complements very well. My immediate response is self-deprecation and I am automatically poking holes in their assertion. I remember all the times I’ve been the exact opposite of whatever the complement is for. Very few things are unchangeable or immune from rigorous assessment and testing though and I’m gradually learning to be kind to myself and to take the complements that I’ve earned.

    I’m on your side in the war on stigma, but something we have to remember is that even to ourselves the diseases aren’t always easily separated from our personality. If it is this hard for us to understand, then someone else with a healthy brain has almost no chance. It’s disgusting when people are judgemental and myopic in their assessment of us but I find that remembering how counter-intuitive some of the things I’ve learned about myself were and how impossibly difficult this would be to understand for a third party helps alleviate some of the anger.

    Hypomania laced with irritability and racing thoughts is shit, you have my sympathy!

    All the best,
    H&J

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