I feel lost and alone where I once felt home and safe. Some of my friends has really shown their true faces by turning around and becoming the person they once said they did not like or would not have in their life. Even tho I am kind do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I expect you to acknowledge it and look yourself in the mirror, make your wrong right without me having to tell you this over and over. So cleaning out my closet is looking to be an ongoing process. So I have learned, people smile and pretend, turn their backs around and talk about me as they think they know what is going on behind my door. I want to say, I am old enough to handle the truth so stop comforting me with your lies and be honest and true! I will always find out, my 7th sense is stronger than you know and the voices in my head tells me which one of you I can trust. Sadly now you are fewer and fewer each day. Thus I have enough people behind me and some of them can also carry me.
My man, my love he can actually take me out sky high both in my daydreaming and for real since he has his own helicopters and licensed to fly them. But it does not stop there, he puts a smile on my face every time I think of him and I love him so much! He is the kindest soul I met, works hard, makes me feel safe and he is not exploiting me or using me for money like others have done. He loves me for the person I am, let me take pictures of him, laugh with me and we are silly together as well as quiet. He is my dream, I am keeping him close even tho he lives on the other side of the world, but we work and no matter what people believe I really do not care about your thoughts about long distance relationships. I had relationships here in Oslo and most of them has been a huge disaster or mistakes!
Will you be my valentine, my love – my man?
Lately my memories, vivid dreams and dissociations has become stronger and more often than before. I have problems with separating reality and my visions, because they are so real that I can see myself in them. I feel every word and action. They take place in places where I have been, went to school, lived, travelled and been or not been. There are so many visions that apparently not are mine, but I believe them to be and it is hard for me to see them as unreal. Still my brain lives its own life, and I am fighting this invisible battle every second of the day. It is a hard struggle and I am exhausted from my skeleton and through my every cell in my whole body. Some days I just want to lay myself down and sleep forever. Tired of people not understanding or making me have to take care of them. When will you take care of me?