Loner or Sheep Hurd


Oh my, I have tipped 10.000 views and still counting, gives me a humble feeling and hope for the future. The rush inside my body is something new, like the feeling behind my rib-case, this tickling feeling. I have not felt this in a loooong time or maybe never…

its called living

My secret has slowly started to open itself up and bringing the universe to me through the light and sun. I now have this feeling of being able to take over the world! And we know this as MANIA, my friend, companion, my enemy and partner in crime. There will be no limit to how high or what I can achieve. My goals are clear, but I still lack the self control. There are a few obstacles on my way through this life with mental illness. I am taking this day by day, trying not to stress and be disappointed if I fail one day. And lately my other identities and personalities has been very active, they participate when talking to other people, while as posting things on my social media profiles, join groups and so on. I have had a few misunderstandings because of that. But I am not afraid, but this makes me so aware of my invisible illness and that I am completely different from a lot of you. Everybody says it does not shows, but I can feel it inside me now, as for trying to put myself first and try to get to know my feelings. There are emotions I have not felt in decades. I do get annoyed when people ask for my help and turn around and go back to their old ways. I really do not know if I have the right to react at all, but it is a trigger and then I have to face it. 

get up..

I experience now that almost everything around me is happening because of me, there is a message like from the universe or my “alien-friends” is probably the best way to describe it. I never talk about this with my friends or family because they would say I am a little fucked up, but what do you really expect from me? Everybody I meet leave, even when they say they will not. How can I trust anyone? Will there ever be a person that I can trust not to leave, will the loneliness disappear or is this a forever feeling that I also have to live with? Sometimes, almost all the times, I feel like it is unfair, people judge me by appearance and then forget to talk to the person behind the mask. I am more than you see, I want more for myself except from being ill from these invisible illnesses. I want to make people laugh, cry, ask questions, talk, try new things, to don’t be scared, smile, shout, say hello to people, help others and open up their heart and soul so everybody can see the beauty that exists all around us.

light

I love everything and anybody, but then again I also hate, the darkness in me do wish that people will get what they deserve, like karma has a job to do here on planet earth.The thing with life is that it is only borrowed time, we are just molecules in a human shell. We will zees to exist and how we spend our time is precious. We are here to build bridges, share knowledge, show love, experience life and evolve us to succeed life in a way no one before us has done. It is like most of human beings never really got the grip or knew the real reason why we are here. The only thing they wanted the population to do, were to be sheep following one and another. Everybody is sent to school, work, family life and then death. No one were to think outside the box and be creative. But when you now in 2015 open your eyes and look around you is it really fair that everybody has to follow the system, when we all have different “natural-gifts”? Why do you not try to make the best out of every person? I still think we will have all we need, because we all have different dreams and gifts by nature… Just spend some time, think about this and how the world could have been. No hatred, wars, racism, we would all just be humans, like the animals are… 

Terry Pratchett

Could it be different, or is this just another dream…

Love,

Any Bryde

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