The Light Is Gone


I have been without Internet in my apartment for almost one week. Yes I have my iPhone, but it’s not the same… I have to admit it is sad that I miss it! This is when I should spend my time nourishing my relationships.. But for what? I have been dreaming about suicide lately and caught myself thinking of it quite often. Neither good or safe. But there are a few of you who asked me to write a “follow” up on “Is There Light”. It’s kind of funny for me, since I never plan or go through my mind when I’m writing or looking for material.

   Me light

I live this life 24/7, no escaping, no hiding, doesn’t matter if it’s sunny or rain. Mostly I’m just tired. But I can say that I have participated in enough of funerals to know to ask, what comes next?? Are you waiting for me up there? Will I come to a known place? Sometimes I cannot wait for the time here to end, it sounds harsh but I’m sorry to say that my life does not always make any sense. I really do not know why I am here. Who would sensed if I suddenly disappeared, would you even notice that I’m gone? In the time being, when some of you almost never contact me and really you should. I’m unstable, mentally ill, living alone and do seldom take contact myself because of my anxiety of being rejected…

Soul

  

I don’t know if it is depression or what, but this feeling of numbness is overwhelming and barely worth being alive for! Why reject a I’ll person who wants to me admitted, so she can get all the we’s and medicine and routines in place for maybe getting a more stable life again. I’m more afflicted by the traumas I have gone through than I let myself and others believe. I am that broken soul you see in the people looking for love, the longing in a child who just wants to be hold. I do not know why it is so hard for me to say these words? But as for writing, there is no limit. Expressions evolves and my world just grows, it’s also a kind of safe place for me. It’s me, letters and you, my readers. I know you read this thinking, questioning, wondering and wanting to ask.. So do it! I am as real as anyone else in a human shell here on this forsaken earth… I am always here… Alone…

Ptsd

  

Love,

Any Bryde

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One thought on “The Light Is Gone

  1. I am glad to hear from you Any, sounding better! Get yourself around people who don’t want to be lonely that will help for sure! Life is too short for that-it’s such a drag, you know? Other people influence you a lot by the way they look at things…You have to look after yourself! Be good to you! Don’t let them drag you down, girl! 🙂
    Myra

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