Why Do I Always Do And Say The Wrong Things?


Life is what it is, not easy being mentally ill. There are so many people believing I offend them, tell me I am too much or too little. I do not know the in between, I am sorry, I never meant to say a bad word to you. You are my world where I finally feel safe, but suddenly the rug gets pulled away from beneath me and I slip and fall. Is nothing real anymore, is this all dreams and fantasies in my own head? Sometimes I say things I really do not mean in the way that people analyze them. The hardest for me after that is to explain that it was meant as a joke, but people think I am lying and I am not. I would never say anything to hurt people I love!

i wish i knew

I am in love and this man is my blood, he is the best I ever met. But I am so afraid of losing my loved ones. When you have someone you love so much it is like being is purple, but the blackness comes along with everything because in my brain there are different personalities on my inside. Yes, I do need a lot of attention, sometimes probably comes out as needy. But I need to feel safe with my love, heart, family, friends and I am not perfect I know this. I am broken, like all the leaves that falls from the trees in the fall. I have a problem with remembering and get hangups on the negativity that stops by in my life. Sometimes I want to disappear forever, but to flight from my problems will not change anything. So I am staying put trying to be the best I can. It is a struggle, when we do not have full control over thoughts, words or impulses. But my heart will never stop  loving and I know I am a real fighter, because of what I have been through. I thought hard for my life for two weeks while laying in the hospital and fighting off the E-coli and all the other infections in my body. There is no use feeling sorry for me, I have chosen my life, but wish that people could see the real me…

se meg

My soul is filled with love, that I would unflowered myself so you could be wrapped in it. Because There is nothing greater than love, and nothing bigger than a smiling soul. Sadness makes me depressed and so sad, all I want is to sit and cry, but I do not dare to show all of my emotions yet. I hide behind the mask with a smile on my face. So wrong doing this, but I feel like a burden and hate this feeling. The only thing that gets me out from this state is love, closeness and laughter. Feeling alone when I am with people is something real that I feel every single day. I hope you know, or if you feel it the same way I have heard is normal. But then again what is normal? Then my suicide thoughts come as an uninvited guest I want to kick hout and say; go to hell!

how

Of course I have better days,  but they also feel like a burden, when I am manic and people tell me they do not like me. It hurts, I am still just a human thus some think I am a robot who might think that I am trying to be the life of the party. Honestly I am really introverted and isolated…

Love

Advertisements