Life is not what you think, there are a lot of things that happens and will cross your path. Meeting new people, making friends, old ones disappointing you and leaving you hanging. I do not know how or what I did wrong. Missing someone you love is a hard thing. The moments passing by and memories flashing in front of my eyes. Who to trust, am I reliable, can I believe and trust my own head? Someone who blames you for your mistakes because of being mentally ill is that a person to trust? I try to be the best person I can, but clearly there is someone who is seeing it differently.
Am I in the wrong here, is it all my fault? I am slowly starting to doubt myself again, losing everything I have built up. My insides are turning themselves inside out and I am sad again. Why do people disappear and tell me I am psycho? I am not, I can assure you. I know myself and I would never hurt someone I love. But my limit is reached, and I do not know if I can handle this anymore. The darkness takes over, sneaking up on me like the fog on a wet winter day. Are these people worth my love? Is it better to delete them from my life than keep trying to please them? I am starting leaning against deleting some of the people whom I love because I do not know if I can trust them anymore. there are not many people in my life I really trust, but as some disappear there are new ones arriving.
Living life one day at the time is how I started doing things now, not planning for anything because it never goes the way I plan. I am sick of being the one who always has to compromise and changing who I am. Why do you not just take me for the person I am? We are all different, and that is the meaning. What if we were all the same, that would not be a reality worth being in. Sometimes I hate myself so much these days that I am thinking this world would be better without me in it. My heart is broken, my soul is darkening and starting to turn black. The evilness insides me awakens and want to take control. Losing this control is not good for me, but I cannot choose how my brain works. I am sorry, but the thought of not being alive is taking over and it starts to feel like I am not supposed to be here in this world…