My life is changed again, again with the fear, behind locked doors and hiding like a ghost in daylight. My mind wanders and goes to places that again makes me change personalities, the way I live and where I go. The wishful thinking of leaving this place just to get peace and a real life. In this world, there are so any evil people that I now just want to go to the moon. Or to find a planet only for the good ones, so the bad ones can destroy each other instead! Spending my life in the shadow of myself and scared of the world. I can go as far as I would now say the hate is growing. My caring, optimistic, smiling self is gone – now. And I am left with terrors, nightmares and the wish of not being alive. Why is it so, that a person is so evil and to destroy another? I will never get that!
There have been months of nothing from me…but now you see why I cannot do my “normal” things. Left with the scars and a life I do not think matters. There is no seeking of attention or pity. Just a memento to let the world know that there are still people who think Mental Illnesses do not exist! Shame on you all! What happened to read and knowledge in the human race? Why have some people gone blind to others? Lately, I have been trying to “connect” with my heritage, South Korea, watching Korean movies. The languages are starting to sound familiar and I understand more and more, and the wish of going there, traveling around and learn more. I am in the thoughts of wanting to go there and make a difference for kids like me. I have also started Korean Language School this semester, level 1. So Inwill soon be fluent in Hangul and Korean.
Life is simple, barricading myself inside with the voices and hallucinations. Even so I m still scared because of a bad person attached me in my apartment. I do not understand how a person can do such a thing! But as always my experiences will eventually make me stronger, but now I have to fight more than I ever have done. Why is it so that there are people here who intentionally destroy others? What happened to you? Like myself I have a lot of baggage, but I never let it out on others. I try to be a better person every day, because change starts within. So I am brushing off the dust on my shoulders and start with clean cheets.