When winter comes to Oslo everybody is packing themselves in all these warm clothes, while I walk around in summer clothes as my psychologist says. But I rarely freeze, my problem is being too warm all the time… Feeling the sweat on my forehead, the sticky clothes, and a really uncomfortable wave that just washes over me. I feel everybody, hear their voices, feel them staring and I get this idea that everybody is out to get me. Talking to “normal” people about these thoughts is sometimes scary. For they have an idea that if you hear voices you must be schizophrenic… But let me tell you that that is not always the problem.
In this world where everybody is struggling to be perfect, pretend to have a perfect job, house, life and all the money in the world. It is not like this, I look around and see their fakeness, just like I was for several years. Thinking I needed things to be, I don’t really know, but I think as my head is a mess, I want to look presentable. The thing is that this isn’t my style at all. I’m of course different from others, and when I look around in this restaurant where my manic personalities decided to eat, sit, write and think. I clearly see the difference between “them” and me. As I live my life and try to take myself back into myself again, I become more and more aware of that I’m different. Not in a bad way, but just completely not inside the box. My walls are here, but they are changing every second. It is like a pulsing blood vessel, with my heart on the sleeve and my vulnerability so visible that I even get scared most of the time.
No one sees this side of me because I have hidden it so well behind different personalities that take over when I can’t deal with people or life. Being manic is of course like being a free bird, a golden one with shiny diamonds. One that no one can put in a cage or say no to! I have endless energy, creativity, ideas, feelings, thoughts and get so much done! The thing is that now I really have a reason to be proud of myself because I won “Best of Best” at the literature evening at my Korean school. They even think I did such an amazing job that I’m invited to dinner with the Korean Embassy here in Oslo and with my teachers as well. And I got accepted into Remote Year 2017, so my book and documentary will be a reality! All the hard work, tears, struggles and hard times are finally mounting to something more. I get to, hopefully, meet some of my readers or peers along the way. It’s the change I always been dreaming secretly of and never told anyone I think. Because what if I didn’t get to fulfill my dream or ideas because of my illnesses. But the only person standing in my way is the bad and evil personality that doesn’t want me to be alive in this world. And I will not let him win my fight and will to live! As long as I can walk, write, speak, breath and think I will fight for my life and learn to live it as I can. Trying not to compare me with others, because they have college degrees or a proper job.
But then again, what is a proper job? Is it really being a sheep and follow everybody else, not thinking for yourself and talk about gossip? Isn’t life suppose to be filled with what we love?
Love,
Any Bryde
And what is it you define as love? How do we exactly show love? Sorry about over asking!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That we are all humans of the world, no difference. Were all worth the same no matter if were rich or poor. Smile to the people you meet, have an open mind and try not to judge others.. Love is the strong best energy in the whole universe!
LikeLike
I agree with you on that one. The one I follow we ought to love all men and there is no distinction between master and worker,rich and poor, all of us are equal in the eyes of God. However don’t you find hard to smile to especially the guys who mistreat you because of your illness?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I grew into forgiveness, but not forgetfulness.. And try to educate the ones that’s mistreats me ✌🙏
LikeLike
I gotta log off now, have a meeting to caught up with. Will log on later. Then we can really discuss why is it that we as human beings are naturally inclined to evil. Why is it we know what is God but do what is evil? For now cheers, see you later.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have a good meeting 🙏 talk later ✌💜
LikeLike
Hello there
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi you ✌
LikeLike
I go off line for some days, my internet connection not so good down here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s ok 🙆🏻 take care and we’ll speak soon 🙏✌️️
LikeLike
You mentioned about not being spiritual. That got me. If I may ask, how has your spiritual journey been like from way back when you were young?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope I didn’t say I’m not spiritual, cos I am. I’m just not religious.
LikeLike
My journey has been too much for one person… honestly, I don’t know how I’m still standing..
LikeLike
It’s great that you are still standing. Let me hear I have the time today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m going for a little rest… but I’ll be here later 🙆🏻✌️️
LikeLike
Alright then.
LikeLike
I have been away for a while. I hope you are ok.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi, yes.. it’s all good 😊 hope you’re well too 🙏
LikeLike
Last I checked I you were to briefly take me through how your journey has been. You may wonder why am much interested, you mentioned you talk to your deceased ones, who passed on, and they comfort you. Have they ever actually spoken to you? Do you think this is all there is about the spiritual world? And what do you think will happen to you when you cross from this life after you die?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I wonder why you’re so interested in my opinions? How do you think?
I talk to them all the time, and they answer in different ways… I think there’s so much more than we perceive and understand.. the energy of the ones whom die has to be left here, I don’t know why I believe this but you can “feel” them and they let you know in different ways.. I think I’ll meet everybody and we will all be as we were… I’ve been in a coma..so I know there’s more to this life than we have knowledge about 🙆🏻🙏
LikeLike
So have you ever read the bible?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t read books.. because I don’t want the influence.. you know, when you’re a writer..you tend to stay in your own bobble 🐼
LikeLike
A good morning to you, hope your night was ok. Indeed that’s a right attitude to avoid being your view being influenced. Well, I like writing too, yet more research oriented. Thus I take the opposite direction. I read alot an any given topic and handling, both the proposers and opposers and all surrounding opinions then ask God to direct me to the right truth.
But then the thing why I asked about the bible is here, the bible claims to be the inspired word of the living God. If there exists a God, who cares about you, and he has written a book for you to read, don’t you think you’d be missing alot to ignore it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s not that I’ll be missing out. I just believe more in souls and energy than an actual God 🙏
LikeLike
Hello Any,
hope you are well. I came across your blog as I was doing some browsing on internet to try and stand with somebody who is going through a tough time. Congs about your award, that’s some good news indeed. Seems like your life is a tough one and I cann’t say I can even imagine what it is. However I discovered God in my Life and am thinking You too can discover the peace he offers and find rest in your life. My idea was to engage you and we talk about this if you don’t mind.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Derrick! I’m not religious but I believe in a higher power thank myself. The souls of my loved one who’s passed on.. I talk to them almost daily. Thank you for your kind words 🙏 Life is what it is, and we gave to make the most out of it. My rough ships aren’t over, but I for stronger throughout the years.. Engage me please ✌🙆
love,
Any Bryde
LikeLike
Alright then. I would think it’s a great idea to start with one of the most important questions. What do you think is the goal and purpose of your life?
LikeLiked by 1 person
To show the word what love and life really is and help the o yes without a voice.. 💜
LikeLike