I Feel


We walk around on this earth like we own this place. But in reality we borrow “time, destroy the planet, each other, some chose hate instead of love and only think of themselves. How did it come to this, how did humans come to believe that we rule alone? When the truth is that we could not exist without animals!

I have to say I feel sorry for humanity and the future of you lost souls! Hopefully my blood will try to make this world a better place for everybody, both animals and humans. Yes it is true we are different, some are vegans, vegetarians, eat meat and so on. The thing is that there is no right answer for this, because of the difference in humans, rich verses poor, healthy verses sick. When I am alone I always cry, because the thought of life makes me sad. In this world there are so many rich people, but what good does that do when humans spend their money on things and cruelty to destroy others? You should try to give back to society, help the ones in need, stand up for the weak and make your time here worth your while! It is not important to have a big house, all the materials things or a lot of money if you do not live with your heart and soul!

I know all this, as I always wanted everything, but as I grew older I see what really is important! Live with your heart on your sleeves, let people know when you are not OK, do not fake your life, do not chase things and do not let money lead your way! Live with a wealthy heart, healthy soul and always choose happiness! Because when you do not have anything left, love and heart is everything. Coming home to someone who cares, ask you how your day was, feed you, hug you, love you and never judge you! It is not where you live that counts, it is how you live your life. If someone smiles to you when you are out walking, smile back – because we are all the same, no matter where we are from!

This world makes me so sad, because there are still people who believe that they are worth more than others just because they have grown up with people who put bad thoughts in their head!

As a child from an orphanage, an orphan, I have so much to be thankful for! I am thankful for my korean family, that gave me the chance to a new life filled with love, my norwegian family for giving me good values, a country with a health system and the love from people whom I love! There are no words to I can describe to you how my heart really feels, all I can say is that I am blessed who experience love on a daily base from myself again now!

Of course I would give my all to meet my korean family, but I also know how heartbreaking it can be for my biological parents to admit that they had to give me up. So if you see this or if i get to meet you before I leave this world; I am humbled, thankful  and blessed in life! I have a heart of gold and a motherland that accepts me for me!

IMG_2577

Love,

김유황

Advertisements

The Ambassador Of South Korea In Norway


It all started in July and has been the dream I secretly dreamed my whole life. So I’ve been thinking of this for a while and searching online but I haven’t found anywhere to go just yet. So I went to the embassy of South Korea and asked where I can learn Korean. The man behind the glass kindly help me and printed out some pages for me with all the information I needed. I thanked him and walked out. I instantly call my mom and ask if I could get a Korean language lesson for my birthday present this year? And she kindly answered “of course you can if this is what you want. We system and education is not the heavy burden.”


I run home and emailed the school and started on 29 August 2016. And we got a schedule for the whole semester and in there we had scheduled a literature evening, and there was a contest. I have been writing my whole life, so I thought about it and decided to write a poem. It took me probably about 15 minutes tops hearing. And then I emailed it to my teacher and she translated to Hangeul for me. And then my practice started. I practiced all the time and we also did the small role-play the with the class and performed a song called 보보보.


I was so nervous for the deadline and through the evening there was like one month wait! And this I had so much nerves and I was just hoping to make my teachers proud. So finally the time came and I read my poem in my not so good hangeul. And I won! Best of the best! And the price was next semester free on the Korean school and I was so happy that I even started to cry I think I never won one thing alone in my life! So this was pretty much a huge deal for me and it’s from my heart and soul so yes it’s something I should probably be proud of. And it got me a Facebook message from the admin’s at school and she asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner at the ambassadors the house on the 16th of November at the Embassy of South Korea because he was really impressed with my performance and my writing. And I of course momentarily said YES and thank you for the invitation for this event.


I just kept on smiling. And then the evening came I got dressed up, sender snapchat’s all around for my own outfit to be approved. And I got thumbs up so I just took my umbrella because it was raining and walked out the door. I am walking to the tram into the tram to the underground. My wish and expectations for this night made me speechless! I was a little early and the texted my teacher that I was in the bakery waiting. And I also went to a few pharmacies before. And then she came in, and she had to get dressed or change so she changes the look in the bathroom. Then we went to the bus and that was the shortest way to walk to the house. We also met a few others, so we went all together to the house.  I walked up and it was one of the most amazing house I’ve ever seen here in the Norway. And they are such warm people! I prepared a little story and like a kid I wrote on the big yellow sheet paper with the purple calligraphy pen. I think they liked it…. I think or the writing looked like an four year old kid drawing..but yeah anyway I am  kind of. And then we had the food and they do so much in so many different things. The food was amazing and filled me like a fat kids love cake! For the first dish, the scallops a salad, then the fried vegetables like lotus, squash, shrimp and one more thing. Then there were something with the kimchi with oyster and pig, then there was this roll but it was salmon with spinach and a sauce and then the soup the seaweed with the purple beans the kimchi, squid and then lastly it was desert: the cheese cake and fruits and we had wine.


I took a lot of pictures and the others where taking a lot of pictures and it was such a lovely night, we talked about how I found the Korean school and of the other girl from school who also got invited.  I was so honored and I got the seat next to the ambassador, it was such a dream fulfilled! And after the dinnner I was so fired up so I couldn’t go home so I went to Rock-In and play some pool and drank a little more.

Love,

Any Bryde

In My Biporderlinedissiociativeating Life By Me


I’m heartbroken, not from a lover… But someone I thought would never say this to me. My tears just keep falling from my eyes. All I want to do know is sleep forever. I have been hurt so many times by different people, and lately I see that I actually in some cases, didn’t do anything wrong. But still, I’m left with the feeling of hating myself and feeling unwanted and unworthy. And I keep thinking about why, why do I get so hurt bay the words of the ones I love? I’m actually turning 35 in a month, in Korean years I’ll be 36. And still, I do seek the acknowledge from others. And I wish I knew why!

img_1415

Because it’s not like I ‘m stupid or? Am I wrong? Do I always overreact? Am I too much, the burden that no one wants to admit they know of, the baggage they won’t carry?

In my life being left with the feelings of being wrongly placed or unwanted has been so strong that It has taken it’s own personality called, myself. Even now after it has been 24 hours I still cry… she left me a message on my voicemail, saying she’s sorry and that she loves me and wants us to be friends again. Of course I cried even more because it hurts and I love this person unconditionally, but as I said to her, I still need time, time for myself to travel and following my dream! But I won’t be gone forever, I’m here inside the screen for those who read… I will never vanish from this since this is my life’s work and my way to leave something “new” for the author world. Of course, I wish this will give me the freedom to do what I love and still be here for others, but I’m, following my dream, starting with the few thousand I have left after my rent, bills, the stuff I sold and meds, ops, and food…

img_1424

I have to cut the cord and start my dream, my life. So a few months ago I applied for a program I never thought I would get. With thousands of applicants, there were only 75 who would get in. Two written rounds and one final video interview. One week wait for the answer… Do I dare to hope? So I actually closed my eyes, folded my hands and asked all the people I love unconditionally but sadly has passed for various reason, to help me fulfill my dream! I have never been a Christian or religious person, but I’m baptized, confirmated, because of my families faith. I practice a mixture, mostly kindness, and equality for all human beings, one world, one people! Sounds probably cliché for some of you, but it’s my beliefs. You can ask my friends.

IMG_1176.JPG

So this year will end both sadly and happy…Not ready for sharing these details yet, if ever.. depends on what happens.

But my dream is being turned around to reality so since I need support and funding (honestly) I put up a funding page;

In My Biporderlinedissiocitiveating

And then I thought to myself, maybe it’s time to reach out, ask for the help that I know I never can provide myself. But on the other hand, this has never ever been about money, I just want to help one other lonely soul! But I don’t get by on welfare  and living is daily not free, and I just need some assets for my dreams. I have so much more to offer than to just sit behind a locked door of fear of not being good enough for the rest of my life. It’s clear to me now; I am lonely, all I have is myself and I’m the only person I really can trust. I happy I have so many people in my life!

Love,

Any Bryde

So Now I’m Suppose To Be Proud


When winter comes to Oslo everybody is packing themselves in all these warm clothes, while I walk around in summer clothes as my psychologist says. But I rarely freeze, my problem is being too warm all the time… Feeling the sweat on my forehead, the sticky clothes, and a really uncomfortable wave that just washes over me. I feel everybody, hear their voices, feel them staring and I get this idea that everybody is out to get me. Talking to “normal” people about these thoughts is sometimes scary. For they have an idea that if you hear voices you must be schizophrenic… But let me tell you that that is not always the problem.

a-best-friend

In this world where everybody is struggling to be perfect, pretend to have a perfect job, house, life and all the money in the world. It is not like this, I look around and see their fakeness, just like I was for several years. Thinking I needed things to be, I don’t really know, but I think as my head is a mess, I want to look presentable. The thing is that this isn’t my style at all. I’m of course different from others, and when I look around in this restaurant where my manic personalities decided to eat, sit, write and think. I clearly see the difference between “them” and me. As I live my life and try to take myself back into myself again, I become more and more aware of that I’m different. Not in a bad way, but just completely not inside the box. My walls are here, but they are changing every second. It is like a pulsing blood vessel, with my heart on the sleeve and my vulnerability so visible that I even get scared most of the time.

women.jpg

No one sees this side of me because I have hidden it so well behind different personalities that take over when I can’t deal with people or life. Being manic is of course like being a free bird, a golden one with shiny diamonds. One that no one can put in a cage or say no to! I have endless energy, creativity, ideas, feelings, thoughts and get so much done! The thing is that now I really have a reason to be proud of myself because I won “Best of Best” at the literature evening at my Korean school. They even think I did such an amazing job that I’m invited to dinner with the Korean Embassy here in Oslo and with my teachers as well. And I got accepted into Remote Year 2017, so my book and documentary will be a reality! All the hard work, tears, struggles and hard times are finally mounting to something more. I get to, hopefully, meet some of my readers or peers along the way. It’s the change I always been dreaming secretly of and never told anyone I think. Because what if I didn’t get to fulfill my dream or ideas because of my illnesses. But the only person standing in my way is the bad and evil personality that doesn’t want me to be alive in this world. And I will not let him win my fight and will to live! As long as I can walk, write, speak, breath and think I will fight for my life and learn to live it as I can. Trying not to compare me with others, because they have college degrees or a proper job.

But then again, what is a proper job? Is it really being a sheep and follow everybody else, not thinking for yourself and talk about gossip? Isn’t life suppose to be filled with what we love?

Love,

Any Bryde