When the law fails…


Life is the weirdest thing, you meet people who will do everything to break you and blame you afterwards, but then you meet the once that would do everything just to keep you safe! I love these people, my friends, family, my man! I know having an relation with a bipolar person can be exhausting from time to time, because of our mood. I must say that I appreciate all of you whom stay in my life despite if this! You are the one who never blame me, because how can you blame the person with an illness?!? It’s like blaming a diabetic or a cancer patient for being sick. You really need to educate yourselves! I reported an ex boyfriend of mine, because he abused me both physical and mental. But of course in this country, Norway, you get away with this easily because of the lack of caring and not having enough staff to handle these cases! So you got away this time as well! But karma will take you down, because you can’t treat people like they are garbage and get away with it! You are not forgive, everybody will know who you are and what you did eventually!

 Fake friends

I will forever use my voice to justify, be honest, loyal and telling the truth at all times! With your seven page statement where you blame me for having mental problems, calling your abusing “conflicts” and saying I did drugs! No, that wasn’t when I was with you, because you know that you controlled my whole life that awful period in my life! You isolated me from my friends, family and got me to quit my job for you! I hate you for all this, you will never be forgiven. You can keep lying to yourself and people around you, but you know in your heart what you did! And if you can’t admit that you should probably go to a psychiatrist and check yourself for a sociopath! So Dr.iPod how you going to hide from this now?!? The truth will always catch up with you! You did not know about my illnesses when we were together, I did not do drugs when we were together, it was in my teenage years! YOU controlled everything! Wouldn’t let me go anywhere without starting an huge fight or making me feel bad for you abusing me! SO twisted and fucked! But I won’t be silenced anymore, I’m done carrying this shit around! So FUCK you and all your lies! 

You think I'm

Now I have people who truly care about me and only want the best for me and my life. You support me, lift me up and understand that I am a person and have the right to be who I am, not who you want me to be! I can honestly say that after all this shit I have been through, my karma has turned around and brought me a wonderful man, brighter future and more educated, caring people in my life! I have always felt alone, but I have been holding everything in. I know I’m probably too honest sometimes, but if you are offended don’t criticise, but share your opinion. As it goes, I am still waiting for more treatments for bipolar and dissociative identity disorder, but this takes time. I been feeling up lately, that means that I’m manic, not better. This is often an mistake we make, because we think that this “happiness” is “normal”. Tho it’s not, it is as severe as the depression. Just another symptom for our illness. The good thing about this is that I get a lot of things done, feeling productive and more creative. But my filter disappears, even more now! So don’t take it personal! Just remember you are not alone!

BUT

Love,

Any Bryde

In a Relationship


Finally the wait is over and I’m here, in Venice, with my man and another couple, Danielle and Jay, they are so cute. I know it is probably not the right word for them, but I think it’s a good sign. I’m normally scared and a little bit con surd because of my state and all. I really do believe that people don’t like me at all. Yes, I know I have friends telling me the opposite, but my mind twist and turns it around like a tumbler you would not believe. It is suddenly strange for me to be with people who let me be me and don’t try to change me into this apathetic persona with no opinions or to eat the way I want. In my life I have been threaten to a lot of different things, and I have never put my foot down until now. I’m done being controlled by a human that have to mistreat and abuse others so they can feel, “Bigger and better!” Now I can be myself, without being afraid of being called stupid or a cunt! You did not have to go to court, but I can assure you that this does not believe no one knows or will get to know the story. 

Be careful

People can blame me for whatever they want, but I am honest and frank, so come on! I have been through hell and back again several times now, so the path is pretty clear. And I have my man by my side, a real man, not like you other suckers that didn’t have enough guts to admit that you treated me bad or you being selfish. I’m so happy now, everything is calm, easy and fun. We do this in our own way and its working. In have friends asking me how this will work because of the distance, but it doesn’t matter when you love someone. All that matters is loyalty, honesty and trust. These are the three fundamental basis to build a relationship on. I feel so lucky, it’s like winning a lottery you didn’t buy a ticket for! This is just amazing and now where on this “Love boat” or our “honeymoon”, hehe. Sailing away with Splendors of the Sea on the Mediterranean Sea. 

Ways to love

Just think about this, I met him completely random in the streets of Chiang Mai, he’s from Vancouver, I live in Norway and now we are together. If this isn’t love, i don’t know what is! A funny thing is that in Europe we hide our feelings, telling someone you love them is like scary, so we have this “I care about you or I’m found of you”. Before I love you! In English they say I love you, there’s no reason to go around this! Just tell them when you want, don’t wait for the perfect moment, it may never come. Why hide your feelings? I believe that if you can’t tell a person what you feel it’s not right. And love is the best cure against depression, I promise you! 

I just not need you to be

Being on a cruise ship reminds me about my father all the time, I miss you! But I couldn’t ask for better travel company than these guys! And having a man that actually listens to what I say and enjoys it. So we started of the cruise in our true way, with some, drinks, food and spa treatments. I love getting pampered, it’s relaxing and good for the soul. First we had our facials, that was so good, my face feels new and I fell for buying a few products, my man told me that I have to say that I have to ask my man first. He owns a few businesses, so he can get me the things I need. Love that! After that being on this cruise and all there was a safety drill. And then we had our massages, I did a deep tissue bamboo massage so naturally I have a few bruises on my body now. But it was so good, I even think I fell asleep. For dinner we ate at Izumi, Sushi, it was good! After all the treatments, and my man still not completely up on european time we went to bed. The downside with going to bed that early is waking up in t he middle of the night. But I get to cuddle now, so we’re just one big happy melted together persona, hehe! 

Depression

So when you open your heart and soul for the wonders and dreams in the universe, there is no limits for how far you can go! I know that I can handle a lot of bad shit, build myself up, stay up against haters and smile to the world. So keep on fighting, don’t give up, take time and don’t be afraid of not being enough, because suddenly you find yourself with a person that loves everything about you, flaws and all. You find the one the gives peace to your life, lift you up when your down and love you even in your darkest hour. Hold on to that person and never let go, love can move mountains! So keep believing in yourselves, but please don’t give up on us, all we need is time to reboot and have someone that makes us sure that its the voices in our head and not you hating on us.

Any day

Love,

Any Bryde

Selfie

Set Back


I want my thoughts to run free, but there are something blocking the way like the biggest red light in the universe and it will never turn green. I’m nervous and anxious because of everything that is going on. I don’t know how people will react or if they will. I’m wondering about what you, my friends and family will say. It’s easy to say you got my back, before the shit hits the fan. But if you can weather the storm with me, that will prove your loyalty and honesty. I’m tired, exhausted and anxious because of one person… It doesn’t feel right to be afraid of your ex does it? But when you fear f0r your own life or whatever comes to mind its never safe. Unsafe is something I have been for four years now, the unbearable stress and anxiety. I afraid everywhere I am. But I’m lucky because I have my good friend staying with because of work out side of Oslo, on my side of town. I feel safer knowing he will come home after work every day. It’s really easy getting used to! I know I have said this a lot, but this ones, he is for real! I haven’t had a friend like you in years. The one that I slowly feel I can be my weird self around, without feeling that I am being judge for everything I say or what I do. It’s hard for me to find the words that you are worthy. You saved me from many situations and when I look back on my life there aren’t many people who would risk something for me in the way you have done. I’m humble, forever thankful, will always be here for you and love you forever.

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I don’t need many people in my life, but I now have my inner circle found out I guess. I have misjudged people and taken their smiles for friendliness, but in the end they shown themselves to be the opposite. Why is it that sometimes I am the worst at people skills and never really wants to go outside my own apartment? I feel like I have all this “time” but in reality I can’t even handle one appointment a week. My mind and body aches, you’re not going outside today. So I spend my time inside, writing, listening to music, spacing, thinking and so on. Nowadays I have these horrible panic-attacks and anxiety. But soon I will get some air between all this and then I might me able to relax… But this case is not just sweating the small stuff, it’s huge and the reality of it could be severe. It’s something that will hit you in the face, not knowing what really hit you. Did I suddenly strike back, am I stronger now than then or is it just my anxiety and fear taking over and making a stand? I know you wonder, I do, I wonder how this destroys my life after four years. My body doesn’t feel like mine anymore, I feel unsure, sad, angry, anxious, fat, ugly, wrong, bad, small, worse and sick to my stomach. And when I look at myself in the mirror its like there’s a kid looking back saying; ‘How could you let them hurt you like that?’

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At least one time every day I sit alone crying, because it feels so wrong to show my sadness to the world and I feel guilty for everything, worthless and lonely. Will my heart ever heal?

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Love, Anybryde

xox

Oh no…


Yesterday started early, earlier than normal and I only slept for a few hours. Today is almost the same, but I did not woke up every single hour. But I did woke a few times and really early again, around 7 am. Yesterday I went on trip to Frogner Parken yesterday, with one of the ladies that work here. Normally the groups are bigger, but this time it was only me. We took the tram and walked around in the park chatting and looking. The weather was grey and foggy, but the not that cold. 

women

I had a little break down on the way back to the hospital because I got reminded of a bad person that abused me when we were together. So I fell apart and took a valium. Came back here for dinner that we eat at 1 pm, like the “old-ish”. I took some time, cried a little and pulled myself back in… The days here are long, but not that long, I have a schedule I have to follow, so I get routines in my daily life, important! I had my first little work out in the gym-room, it was good to feel my pulse again. Today is not a good day, but maybe it will be better later. They took blood-tests of me today, so we will see what they show when they come back. Also I had my Kaveh popping by, making me smile 🙂

Here a new day starts, so I will be back – Take care sweets!

X