Love Can Kill Us


We are all vulnerable like snowflakes and the skies that pass over the sky like in front of our eyes, without control or a guidance to follow. But when you meet a person to stand still with it all makes sense, even when the shit hits. So follow your heart, never let your logic take over. Love with all your senses, like you, are supposed to. When someone you love dies it hurts like hell, but the broken heart heals itself. The you have the heartbreak from love, that really can kill you even if you have never thought about it or believed it.

realitionships

I wish I was a butterfly in the sky, flying so high being free like doves  are. Maybe someday I will see you all again on the other side waiting for me as it is a reunion. We come together, but what for? Is it all make-believe or is it faith that stops by and pulling us back? Living life-like a soldier to a society that we do not like, paying bills, struggling for life. I wish things were easier, but it seems like a never-ending story that goes around like the morning-glory. Love and hate do it, they belong together so we have to feel the darkness as clear as daylight. Hiding behind the curtains like a vampire in a coffin. Is this all? Shouldn’t there be more than this? Like flower power, love and passion?

My dad RIP

Why can we not be free and together, living off the grid and don’t care about the system? Is it all the paper that controls us or is it just for show? We do not need all these things you know. Why not just sell it all and buy an island and live under the sun and smile all day long? Never worry about the bills, money, future or the government that is put here just to control our lives, and tell us the biggest lie of them all; “You are free to do whatever you want, you will always have your freedom!”

freedom

When time stands still that is when we know we are alive, the moment is now, do not waste it. We never know when the bus comes to get us. And then it’s too late to regret, life should be lived and not contemplated. Do not get to stuck up in all we have to do, that others tell us. Follow your own heart and soul, we all really have different tasks to unfold. It is just the society that will and tell us that we have to do this and that. We really do not have to do anything we do not want to. As for us mentally ill, we have it really hard in this society, just calling out asking for help is a long stretch. And can feel like death because we afraid of the telephone or being rejected. I try to understand, but I am losing hours, minutes and even my own words. It could be the others me that take over, but there not so many people believing this. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder, Bipolar, Borderline is not easy. I am afraid of being alone because I never know what might happen. And I am afraid of reaching out to people because of being too much.

flower me

So in all honesty I want to disappear into oblivion, just be a star in the universe…

Love,

Any Bryde

Another Reality


I have to say that all the responses I have gotten are humbling and overwhelming! I would never expect this. I love you for giving feedbacks, comments, wishes and so on.. But sometimes I struggle with the arbitrary because of my brain has like 40% with this, it’s mostly my hands. This is the life I live, my daily “routines”, struggles, mental illnesses, friends, issues and so much more.. I just wish someone would sit down next to me and be here loving me while I fix myself. i don’t need you to fix me, but I surely, honestly do need companionship, friendship and love. This is not a romance novel about walking into the sunset and get married, as for now the space next to me can only be used by friends. Everyone else has left me… So I am done with that for a while. Knowing myself I will probably give you all a heads up when I am back in the dating zone.

relationships

Spring, sunshine, bare roads, less clothes and finally sunglasses. It should be a good season, but something is up.. And I am starting all this group therapy sessions as well, getting big time stressed and anxious just writing it.. I know there will be confrontations that I have to take part in no matter how much I will deny it! What if I just could have a house by the beach, infinitely music collections and the best sound system in the whole world. Of course I would need my dearest Mac for writing and not becoming a hermit, but people can visit me. The ones who needs to know will know where I am at. still I doubt my thoughts, because when I am observing and listening to people I am unsure if it is the same. And this really freaks me out. It is like I can hear you thinking about me, commenting negatively on everything I do. Sometimes I even restrict myself from going to the washroom because I am so afraid of what might be said while I’m gone. 

cover your soul

My insecurity and self image is completely destroyed, never knowing when it will come back or if.. A certain someone has made it sure that this goes on repeat in my head all day long. I was more lively, did not just sit on the same spot all night. Not that I entertained or anything, but I enjoyed myself, now I just feel like a burden. The shadow that no one can seem to shake off or run from.. The ghost that always hover above you when you sleep and the alien within… Why is my reality so different from yours, or is it that you all say these things to mess up my head. What happens to me when the old man visits?

Heaven and hell

Love,

Any Bryde

Invisible Imperfection


behind the mask

“No one sees the sorrow or the pain, they see our smile but that’s not the same. They believe in fairy tales for young ones and the grown, but never will they tell the real story that’s always going on. For you and me, we who live in this world, all we want is to be seen, listened to and heard. There’s no answer or remedy for us to take, but love, acceptance and a hand to hold will be enough for us to get through some of the pain. When darkness takes us, there’s nothing we can do, just laying in our beds are painful and we won’t even tell you. So when you see us smiling, remember all this, the only thing we want is love, caring and bliss….” – Any Bryde© 
pants on fire