I Don’t Know What Hit Me…


I do not know and my brain is on overload. I am analyzing everything and thinking about the words that been written and said. Where is the truth, what is the meaning? Is this life really worth everything? Am I always in the wrong is my life and needs not worth anything? I am really done this time, my life should be worth something more than this. Does it all happen in Wonderland or hell? Is reality real or a dream from the darkness, how is it that I always wind up in situations where I am a revolving door?

broken

I am a place where I do not really know who to trust anymore… I struggle inside and I am tired. Want to shut it all down, be gone and never return. I cannot handle this anymore. Manipulations, ugly words, complaining about that I do everything wrong and putting others needs before myself. I still do things I cannot remember, not serious stuff, but move stuff, write things and so on. I still do wonder about everything that has been said; is it truth or lies?

forever

Love does not disappear suddenly. When I love someone it is forever and there has not been many real loved ones in my life. You know who you are. I do not know how to process things, people put everything on me, telling me I am crazy! If you believe that you have never seen crazy! But hating myself is easy at the moment and the person in the mirror is miserable.  I wish there was something that removed my pain forever. I am broken like that mirror that fell on the floor in thousand pieces. Life just keeps turning on me. How long can I handle this shit? Is it meaning that I have to fight all the time? This illness is nothing to joke with and if you do not want to try to understand, let me be me and take my heart serious. Just get the hell out of my life! It is probably harsh, but I am tired, exhausted, there are people around me that I think just use me and do not care.

the same horrors

What happened to honesty, trust and truth? Did they jump out the window with your iq, the dwarfs from inside your brain? In your world, who am I to you? Am I worth your time or are you still playing the game? My love is real, but my heart hurts! I have fought like hell to get back from the E-coli I had other infections too. And is this it…sometimes I wish I never came back… I know it is a really bad thing to say, but I believe a lot of you would be better with me not being here. Maybe my depression is on its way…

I love bipolar

People leave, are they then really worth my tears? Is it a place that will grow in the darkness. It is hard to love someone who treats you like you are shit. I do miss you. Why did you spend all the time in the hospital, promising me eternity? Telling me I do not know what love is! But wake up, I do, I love with all I have. Maybe I am not enough, maybe some people need more. But what more? It was not like you brought anything to the table! It all feels like a nightmare. I thought I had a good friend, but could I ever have been so wrong?

hurt people

Love,

Any Bryde

My Life Is Not Only Me


Every time when I wake up I just want to go to sleep again. My life it’s all in the shadow of the illness that we live with, we will never find the piece if you don’t let us be the person we are supposed to be, sometimes I feel so lost my. And the Wendelin I been living in it’s not real into people who I thought were hair for me just left. So alone in the shadows and in the light but still there’s still someone who cares for me. We love, we share, we cry and we care and that’s what it is all about the unconditionally love that we spread all around. Let the people in your life that you care and love them so they don’t have to go around and think about it.

I did not

I’m seeing people who I know needs help, but I can’t do that this time. I want to and in my dreams they show me that I should, but still I have to take care of myself this time. Because if I don’t do that no one will, the people we do things for doesn’t see it and just demands more. To Love someone that’s broken takes a lot of you, but the person you then love will give you buy your love multiply by infinity. We, the broken ones do not judge, we don’t lie, we then worked you with bad words, we only shine, because we want to best for you no matter what. We only want you to be happy because then that is when we are happy. But no one sees our sorrow, now I see our pain in the endless darkness that we have to go through almost every day just to get up, just to breathe and stay alive. There is a looking our eyes that difference us from other people, we are difference, we look at the world different, our eyes doesn’t see the same us as yours. That we are so lucky to see a beauty in everything around us, from the pumping colors on the trees to the white and the blue skies and over the sea. With transparent cover is just something you have to tear down. I know it’s hard but we manage, the only thing that you can do is to be a friend. My life is not only mine, I know the vibrations of the universe, so this time I’m leaving it all up to they universe and I’m asking you fulfill my dreams and don’t let people starve. Everybody needs to be taken care of we all have something deep inside that needs and want connections, but as someone said on YouTube no one wants relationships or connections anymore. They are too busy with themselves and how much money they are making.The world has become a place where you rule if you have a lot of money, and if you don’t your society will put you down on the bottom of the triangle you don’t mean nothing. And that hurts.

you know you're bipolar

My heart is broken now more than ever my inner self is crushed and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m going more and more crazy so I don’t want a lot of people around me, but still I want people. I cannot get anything then because I sleep all the time, I should have been at my doctor today and the Nav office but I have no energy. My life right now, my body right now, feel so empty and heavy this feeling is really unpleasant and all I want to do is sleep and I know what have to do things. So I don’t know anymore right now I just don’t know, so I will probably just try to survive the next weeks.

me

Love,

Any Bryde

Invisible Imperfection


behind the mask

“No one sees the sorrow or the pain, they see our smile but that’s not the same. They believe in fairy tales for young ones and the grown, but never will they tell the real story that’s always going on. For you and me, we who live in this world, all we want is to be seen, listened to and heard. There’s no answer or remedy for us to take, but love, acceptance and a hand to hold will be enough for us to get through some of the pain. When darkness takes us, there’s nothing we can do, just laying in our beds are painful and we won’t even tell you. So when you see us smiling, remember all this, the only thing we want is love, caring and bliss….” – Any Bryde© 
pants on fire

I Broke Down and Fell in to Bits


There is a lot of focus on Mental Health and issues now as there are so many celebarties that comes forward and tells stories about their breakdowns or depression periods. We all have depression periods, but not everybody has a Mental illness, diagnose or diagnoses. It is not that they are less troubled than others, it is just that this Mental Illness has become a designer label for people who acts out and are depressed. The most important thing is that we need help, therapy, medicine and hospitalisation. Our life is hard, I have days, weeks, even months where I stay behind my locked door. My social life has decreased because of my anxieties and all of my other diagnoses. For instance, I went to a concert on Thursday, OnklP og De Fjerne Slektningene, Styggen på Ryggen, they are Norwegian and my sisters boyfriend is the drummer. They are awesome and the concert was off the hook, they killed it!

nothing glamorous

And as for every bands, there’s always an afterparty, I manage to buy one drink and drank a glass of water before the panic attack hit me, this is the worst one I have had in a long time and I literary thought that I would die. The only thing I manage to mumble was, I have to go, to my sister and almost ran out of there. This is where I HATE my illnesses, so why is it people out here pretending and wanting these disease?? They control my life, every fucking second of it. I have no saying or knowing when or where it can hit me. And on top of this I have my empathy that is strong enough to take in everybody’s feelings and thats exhausting and painful at the same time. And on top of all this I have take all these medications everyday, never really know for how long or what they really do to my body. But I’m more than blessed not to be a psychiatric patient in the end of the 1800 or 1900 to the mid 1900, when they used electro shock therapy! Thats not a way of life! The poor patient forgot everything, they could even forget their name and the personality could be change forever! It is the same with lobotomy, that is not even a treatment that should have been allowed! The doctors destroyed all of their patient and it only damaged their brain, never helped them in any way!

The Most Shocking Psychiatric Documentary Ever

(Sorry for the bad Quality, but it’s not my fault, it is YouTube..)

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If you just knew how this effect our lives and how much we struggle and fight our demons every day you would never say anything bad about us. We are not damaged people, nor are we “crazy”. We are just in need of help and our brain works differently than yours! And as for you who think that we are dumb, I am sorry, we are not that either. In a lot of cases we are over average, but we are not given the chance to shine in a world like the one we live in now, because we are looked down on, instead of supported and lifted up. And these illnesses and diagnoses are not as visible as you think. We “dress up” when we go out, to look “normal” and not sick, because we feel like we need to hide behind a mask that society makes us to do, because otherwise we are crazy… I am disappointed, we live in the 2014 soon to be 2015, and still we have stigma and taboo against, races, homosexuality, mental illnesses, disabled, and so on.. The list can go on for ever! It is time to see us all as humans, we all have the same rights and we all have the right to a worthy life! Thank you for reading and following, please share and tell my stories! I am over 7200 views all around the world, it is not much compare to Norway, but I have readers that really care about important themes and people! Keep it going lovelies!

Thanks to those

Love,

Any Bryde