I Don’t Know What Hit Me…


I do not know and my brain is on overload. I am analyzing everything and thinking about the words that been written and said. Where is the truth, what is the meaning? Is this life really worth everything? Am I always in the wrong is my life and needs not worth anything? I am really done this time, my life should be worth something more than this. Does it all happen in Wonderland or hell? Is reality real or a dream from the darkness, how is it that I always wind up in situations where I am a revolving door?

broken

I am a place where I do not really know who to trust anymore… I struggle inside and I am tired. Want to shut it all down, be gone and never return. I cannot handle this anymore. Manipulations, ugly words, complaining about that I do everything wrong and putting others needs before myself. I still do things I cannot remember, not serious stuff, but move stuff, write things and so on. I still do wonder about everything that has been said; is it truth or lies?

forever

Love does not disappear suddenly. When I love someone it is forever and there has not been many real loved ones in my life. You know who you are. I do not know how to process things, people put everything on me, telling me I am crazy! If you believe that you have never seen crazy! But hating myself is easy at the moment and the person in the mirror is miserable.  I wish there was something that removed my pain forever. I am broken like that mirror that fell on the floor in thousand pieces. Life just keeps turning on me. How long can I handle this shit? Is it meaning that I have to fight all the time? This illness is nothing to joke with and if you do not want to try to understand, let me be me and take my heart serious. Just get the hell out of my life! It is probably harsh, but I am tired, exhausted, there are people around me that I think just use me and do not care.

the same horrors

What happened to honesty, trust and truth? Did they jump out the window with your iq, the dwarfs from inside your brain? In your world, who am I to you? Am I worth your time or are you still playing the game? My love is real, but my heart hurts! I have fought like hell to get back from the E-coli I had other infections too. And is this it…sometimes I wish I never came back… I know it is a really bad thing to say, but I believe a lot of you would be better with me not being here. Maybe my depression is on its way…

I love bipolar

People leave, are they then really worth my tears? Is it a place that will grow in the darkness. It is hard to love someone who treats you like you are shit. I do miss you. Why did you spend all the time in the hospital, promising me eternity? Telling me I do not know what love is! But wake up, I do, I love with all I have. Maybe I am not enough, maybe some people need more. But what more? It was not like you brought anything to the table! It all feels like a nightmare. I thought I had a good friend, but could I ever have been so wrong?

hurt people

Love,

Any Bryde

I Have Been in And Out of Wonderland


When everything turns around on you and you suddenly get so sick that you do not even have the idea of being in a hospital it can be a really scary thing. But there are so many helpful health personals and friendly faces. The doctors made my life and my body free from all the diseases and infections. I had tremendous help and the staff did so much for me here at Diakonhjemmet. I was in a coma for two weeks, never been before and my body fought and got stuck with every needle you can think of. My small little me was filled with tubes and everything. While my family and boyfriend viditing me, but I was in a place far away from this reality…

you dont know

I’m so sorry for you who had to see me like this, but I can say that I better now. And my legs works again. Up and walking again, feeling almost “normal” now. But I would never hsve could done this without the help I have gotten here. I am eternely thankful and humbled over the work. One thing is sure and that is that you health personals should get higher saleries. But this is a country where life is not fair at all in this way. Where the majority og women appartently want to be artisits or authors, but there are not that many good writers. No effence, but i like non fiction… That is why I write about the serious stuff. So Yes I am awake and the time is 7am.. Been up since 5:30am, its the hospital… In the evening night time after my boyfriend leave there is not so much to do than to sleep… But I have been fighting and working for getting back up on my feet again. And here I am! Up and going.

train your mind

My life is changed, never been in a coma before, two weeks! And waking after being in a coma is not pleasant at all. Is confusing and scary. I really did get an awakinging after this experience. And being in a hospital for almost one month is a long time! Just for you my friends all over the world, do not think I am gone, I have been in a place where I would never wish my worst enemy have to go. So take care of yourselves and your health, do not go crazy like I did this time. I will write more about this, but right now I just don’t know what to write or remember, it’s time to take care of me and mine as you did for me!

me

And writitng in Norwegian is not even my style, the language lack some words, so it all seems more poor in my opinion. But to you whom write in Norwegian, good job, you found a voice within yourselves.

Love,

Any Bryde

When is enough or can it never be


All I asked for was something that is real, won’t flood away, lie, I cannot or won’t have to think about people and their troubles… Shouldn’t I be able, grown, sure enough and good to get the dream that I want this time around. The one the have the same idea of living not having toe enough to get whomever I wanted? I have never been drawn to a person in that way, or correction – I  am in the middle of my two. Should I go for unstable a few years, then to family home dream that i hope exists somewhere around hidden in a place where I silently scream by the top of my lounge.

the wind

When you love someone you, you different feelings, thoughts, pictures and all that pops up inside where you imagine your world. The reason mostly being that I didn’t do dare to say that. But hanging, chilling all if us. Shall say that when they think it closed they pay less intention, but I cannot stay with unchangeable serious if replays. We have to moo slowly, but forward. I love, care and wish I had a huge enough place and enough wealth for all my loved to come and go as they self-want end, never thinking about money, food and have a worry free life forever. This of course I wish for all you out there and it will come faster than you can imagine and it hits you like a carousel, me wanting to jump off roof, of course, I have no idea of who I am anymorThe real me

Endless searching, the lines will go forever a when they finally found the place for difference and a talent spelled in diamonds and gold. These late months I had a few troubling situations, I have lost time and a lot. My hallucinations are worse than ever and the  voices.. Do I now also lose my true love if I do not listen to the good boys talking? Shouldn’t the bad boys lessons be over by now – 34 This Winter, life goes to fast and all I wish for in addition is a strong, healthy, cozy, romantic and loving man that’s loyal. There’s no need for games. Because whatever it is I normally knows.. It’s hard to try when I don’t know what I’m doing or know what the answer is.. You have to understand it’s the change, once in a lifetime. So then, do you believe enough to take the leap?

IMG_8766

Is it the meaning to throw myself after everybody like they’re paper to glue, I’m guessing they either don’t get it or live in the world where we really don’t know right from wrong, left from right or life or death. It’s the spaces where people stopped up and asked themselves. What kind of life they want. Because everything is possible, once you made it and you all know it inside, the small voice that tell us what’s the great path our real dream in life, the one wish you ould get from the universe.

TO turn a life around

Love,

Any Bryde

My Life Is Not Only Me


Every time when I wake up I just want to go to sleep again. My life it’s all in the shadow of the illness that we live with, we will never find the piece if you don’t let us be the person we are supposed to be, sometimes I feel so lost my. And the Wendelin I been living in it’s not real into people who I thought were hair for me just left. So alone in the shadows and in the light but still there’s still someone who cares for me. We love, we share, we cry and we care and that’s what it is all about the unconditionally love that we spread all around. Let the people in your life that you care and love them so they don’t have to go around and think about it.

I did not

I’m seeing people who I know needs help, but I can’t do that this time. I want to and in my dreams they show me that I should, but still I have to take care of myself this time. Because if I don’t do that no one will, the people we do things for doesn’t see it and just demands more. To Love someone that’s broken takes a lot of you, but the person you then love will give you buy your love multiply by infinity. We, the broken ones do not judge, we don’t lie, we then worked you with bad words, we only shine, because we want to best for you no matter what. We only want you to be happy because then that is when we are happy. But no one sees our sorrow, now I see our pain in the endless darkness that we have to go through almost every day just to get up, just to breathe and stay alive. There is a looking our eyes that difference us from other people, we are difference, we look at the world different, our eyes doesn’t see the same us as yours. That we are so lucky to see a beauty in everything around us, from the pumping colors on the trees to the white and the blue skies and over the sea. With transparent cover is just something you have to tear down. I know it’s hard but we manage, the only thing that you can do is to be a friend. My life is not only mine, I know the vibrations of the universe, so this time I’m leaving it all up to they universe and I’m asking you fulfill my dreams and don’t let people starve. Everybody needs to be taken care of we all have something deep inside that needs and want connections, but as someone said on YouTube no one wants relationships or connections anymore. They are too busy with themselves and how much money they are making.The world has become a place where you rule if you have a lot of money, and if you don’t your society will put you down on the bottom of the triangle you don’t mean nothing. And that hurts.

you know you're bipolar

My heart is broken now more than ever my inner self is crushed and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m going more and more crazy so I don’t want a lot of people around me, but still I want people. I cannot get anything then because I sleep all the time, I should have been at my doctor today and the Nav office but I have no energy. My life right now, my body right now, feel so empty and heavy this feeling is really unpleasant and all I want to do is sleep and I know what have to do things. So I don’t know anymore right now I just don’t know, so I will probably just try to survive the next weeks.

me

Love,

Any Bryde