I Have Been in And Out of Wonderland


When everything turns around on you and you suddenly get so sick that you do not even have the idea of being in a hospital it can be a really scary thing. But there are so many helpful health personals and friendly faces. The doctors made my life and my body free from all the diseases and infections. I had tremendous help and the staff did so much for me here at Diakonhjemmet. I was in a coma for two weeks, never been before and my body fought and got stuck with every needle you can think of. My small little me was filled with tubes and everything. While my family and boyfriend viditing me, but I was in a place far away from this reality…

you dont know

I’m so sorry for you who had to see me like this, but I can say that I better now. And my legs works again. Up and walking again, feeling almost “normal” now. But I would never hsve could done this without the help I have gotten here. I am eternely thankful and humbled over the work. One thing is sure and that is that you health personals should get higher saleries. But this is a country where life is not fair at all in this way. Where the majority og women appartently want to be artisits or authors, but there are not that many good writers. No effence, but i like non fiction… That is why I write about the serious stuff. So Yes I am awake and the time is 7am.. Been up since 5:30am, its the hospital… In the evening night time after my boyfriend leave there is not so much to do than to sleep… But I have been fighting and working for getting back up on my feet again. And here I am! Up and going.

train your mind

My life is changed, never been in a coma before, two weeks! And waking after being in a coma is not pleasant at all. Is confusing and scary. I really did get an awakinging after this experience. And being in a hospital for almost one month is a long time! Just for you my friends all over the world, do not think I am gone, I have been in a place where I would never wish my worst enemy have to go. So take care of yourselves and your health, do not go crazy like I did this time. I will write more about this, but right now I just don’t know what to write or remember, it’s time to take care of me and mine as you did for me!

me

And writitng in Norwegian is not even my style, the language lack some words, so it all seems more poor in my opinion. But to you whom write in Norwegian, good job, you found a voice within yourselves.

Love,

Any Bryde

When is enough or can it never be


All I asked for was something that is real, won’t flood away, lie, I cannot or won’t have to think about people and their troubles… Shouldn’t I be able, grown, sure enough and good to get the dream that I want this time around. The one the have the same idea of living not having toe enough to get whomever I wanted? I have never been drawn to a person in that way, or correction – I  am in the middle of my two. Should I go for unstable a few years, then to family home dream that i hope exists somewhere around hidden in a place where I silently scream by the top of my lounge.

the wind

When you love someone you, you different feelings, thoughts, pictures and all that pops up inside where you imagine your world. The reason mostly being that I didn’t do dare to say that. But hanging, chilling all if us. Shall say that when they think it closed they pay less intention, but I cannot stay with unchangeable serious if replays. We have to moo slowly, but forward. I love, care and wish I had a huge enough place and enough wealth for all my loved to come and go as they self-want end, never thinking about money, food and have a worry free life forever. This of course I wish for all you out there and it will come faster than you can imagine and it hits you like a carousel, me wanting to jump off roof, of course, I have no idea of who I am anymorThe real me

Endless searching, the lines will go forever a when they finally found the place for difference and a talent spelled in diamonds and gold. These late months I had a few troubling situations, I have lost time and a lot. My hallucinations are worse than ever and the  voices.. Do I now also lose my true love if I do not listen to the good boys talking? Shouldn’t the bad boys lessons be over by now – 34 This Winter, life goes to fast and all I wish for in addition is a strong, healthy, cozy, romantic and loving man that’s loyal. There’s no need for games. Because whatever it is I normally knows.. It’s hard to try when I don’t know what I’m doing or know what the answer is.. You have to understand it’s the change, once in a lifetime. So then, do you believe enough to take the leap?

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Is it the meaning to throw myself after everybody like they’re paper to glue, I’m guessing they either don’t get it or live in the world where we really don’t know right from wrong, left from right or life or death. It’s the spaces where people stopped up and asked themselves. What kind of life they want. Because everything is possible, once you made it and you all know it inside, the small voice that tell us what’s the great path our real dream in life, the one wish you ould get from the universe.

TO turn a life around

Love,

Any Bryde

Loosing Control And Wonderland Is Gone


When people get together there’s so much they are talking about that is not important at all, they have all these trivial conversations with no substance. They pretend they care about people, the universe, animals, the earth, politics, economics, and everything is strange because they really don’t care they just want to seem important. Helping us to see the real person in front of us, but sometimes they hide behind this mask and takes a while before we see and uncover their bad intention and behavior in the back talking and backstabbing.

bipolar

 Sometimes I just wish I could be “normal” as everybody else and not think about that I’m mentally ill and hopefully someday in the future I will be better than I am now. There’s so much more in life, I’m following my dream, I write to tell you about my life, my mental illness, my ups and downs, my friends, my family, my therapy, my obstacles and all the stuff that I’m anxious about. I also have these things in my head but I really cannot get rid of the voices that tell me that I’m useless, ugly, fat or not good for anything except being a burden for you all.

be kind

When you’re born with this and this burden as an illness you really don’t know how to cope in society there’s a lot of people that judge you when there are so many people that really don’t know because they don’t dare to ask you at all. And when I’m outside I just pretend that everything is okay, no one can see the tears they’re hiding in my eyes and I feel so lonely I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me that things will be okay in the future. And if not who knows maybe I won’t be old or live as long as I should, I’m sorry but that’s the harsh reality of this illness we never know! 

intimacy

It is because we don’t look sick at all, but I don’t look sick either, that there are scars that will never go away! And then again you have all these brave souls that I know also struggles with different mental illnesses like mine bipolar, borderline, dissociative, PTSD and so-and-so and we’ll manage, we take our medicine, you’ll go to therapy, we all cry inside behind our own four walls because we never really show it to other people, we want to stay strong and i just don’t want to be the one to destroy other people’s day so that’s why I’m playing hide and seek for as long as I can so people never see the reality and seriousness of my illnesses, besides my shakes that are getting worse and I don’t have anything to hide anything anymore I have become more honest I want to be out there and I want to share this with you and I want you to understand us! 

shes scared

I am starting to understand that some of you will never understand us being bipolar, but if you just took some time to explore in your brain. You would probably understand and I was seriousness in depression and mania. Of course we are all nuts alike all of us, we are different people, different backgrounds but it’s the thing that pulls us together is this feeling of black and white. I love a lot of you who has these illnesses and want you to succeed in life so please follow your dream, passion, you’re in their integration, is soul and do whatever you want to do. Don’t let anything stop you!

boring

Love,

Any Bryde

My Life Is Not Only Me


Every time when I wake up I just want to go to sleep again. My life it’s all in the shadow of the illness that we live with, we will never find the piece if you don’t let us be the person we are supposed to be, sometimes I feel so lost my. And the Wendelin I been living in it’s not real into people who I thought were hair for me just left. So alone in the shadows and in the light but still there’s still someone who cares for me. We love, we share, we cry and we care and that’s what it is all about the unconditionally love that we spread all around. Let the people in your life that you care and love them so they don’t have to go around and think about it.

I did not

I’m seeing people who I know needs help, but I can’t do that this time. I want to and in my dreams they show me that I should, but still I have to take care of myself this time. Because if I don’t do that no one will, the people we do things for doesn’t see it and just demands more. To Love someone that’s broken takes a lot of you, but the person you then love will give you buy your love multiply by infinity. We, the broken ones do not judge, we don’t lie, we then worked you with bad words, we only shine, because we want to best for you no matter what. We only want you to be happy because then that is when we are happy. But no one sees our sorrow, now I see our pain in the endless darkness that we have to go through almost every day just to get up, just to breathe and stay alive. There is a looking our eyes that difference us from other people, we are difference, we look at the world different, our eyes doesn’t see the same us as yours. That we are so lucky to see a beauty in everything around us, from the pumping colors on the trees to the white and the blue skies and over the sea. With transparent cover is just something you have to tear down. I know it’s hard but we manage, the only thing that you can do is to be a friend. My life is not only mine, I know the vibrations of the universe, so this time I’m leaving it all up to they universe and I’m asking you fulfill my dreams and don’t let people starve. Everybody needs to be taken care of we all have something deep inside that needs and want connections, but as someone said on YouTube no one wants relationships or connections anymore. They are too busy with themselves and how much money they are making.The world has become a place where you rule if you have a lot of money, and if you don’t your society will put you down on the bottom of the triangle you don’t mean nothing. And that hurts.

you know you're bipolar

My heart is broken now more than ever my inner self is crushed and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m going more and more crazy so I don’t want a lot of people around me, but still I want people. I cannot get anything then because I sleep all the time, I should have been at my doctor today and the Nav office but I have no energy. My life right now, my body right now, feel so empty and heavy this feeling is really unpleasant and all I want to do is sleep and I know what have to do things. So I don’t know anymore right now I just don’t know, so I will probably just try to survive the next weeks.

me

Love,

Any Bryde