What Happens When I Am Taking It Back


Now the table has turned, I am in control and I am slowly learning what is positive energy and negative energy. There are so many people who is only interested in one thing, themselves. There is no wrong in putting yourself first, but what about the other person? Is it something that is too selfish? Or is that a synonym for being like a fish, they do it all by themselves… Swim around int he big ocean. Of course there are fishes that travels in sheep herds. And the other ones like wolf’s, but still they travel in companionship. They have families, small packs of someone being on the same frequency. It is good to have people on the same level as you. Or at least that they understand you.

  

Me I am in an own world where the wonderland is becoming more and more real. It is like everything is flourishing, blossoming up and out. To an extend that is out of my reach. But I am hanging on, to the thread that takes me to this wonderful new place. Here the fall has come, faster than I knew, because of me being in a coma.The world of earth, people, animals and all the other living creatures here. Is a place where you follow this routine. I do not look upon it. Think it is a little or actually very boring. I find my self alone..again, know it is not me. But every thought and film in my head plays you on repeat. Where did you go? Am I so bad that you had to run away?

  

Is it my personalities that destroys me, I am sorry, but there are so many things in my head, maybe not “normal” like some of you, but still here. Living and breathing, so now I know I want to live, this life, with the fighting against the eternal light I won. So why not just try to recover myself to me again. My personas will always follow me, everywhere. But tha fact that I know this is in my head, it is ok with me. I look “normal” on the outside, from you whom do not have the trained eye. They see my manic state, my eager to run around and do something all the time. Nothing going fast enough! I bet there are many of you recognizing yourselves in this picture. I know so well I am not alone in this place. Having Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Disorder, Dissociative Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, Eating Disorder and still doing self-harming. It is a life that I now have chosen to accept. It is me, I cannot change these, but I can try to live along with them.

  

Of course I look different from some of you, I am not “normal” in any way, I see things, hear voices and a little crazy. Never underestimate yourself, even with a chronic disease. You will make it, just follow your heart and soul.

   

Love,

Any Bryde

I Have Been in And Out of Wonderland


When everything turns around on you and you suddenly get so sick that you do not even have the idea of being in a hospital it can be a really scary thing. But there are so many helpful health personals and friendly faces. The doctors made my life and my body free from all the diseases and infections. I had tremendous help and the staff did so much for me here at Diakonhjemmet. I was in a coma for two weeks, never been before and my body fought and got stuck with every needle you can think of. My small little me was filled with tubes and everything. While my family and boyfriend viditing me, but I was in a place far away from this reality…

you dont know

I’m so sorry for you who had to see me like this, but I can say that I better now. And my legs works again. Up and walking again, feeling almost “normal” now. But I would never hsve could done this without the help I have gotten here. I am eternely thankful and humbled over the work. One thing is sure and that is that you health personals should get higher saleries. But this is a country where life is not fair at all in this way. Where the majority og women appartently want to be artisits or authors, but there are not that many good writers. No effence, but i like non fiction… That is why I write about the serious stuff. So Yes I am awake and the time is 7am.. Been up since 5:30am, its the hospital… In the evening night time after my boyfriend leave there is not so much to do than to sleep… But I have been fighting and working for getting back up on my feet again. And here I am! Up and going.

train your mind

My life is changed, never been in a coma before, two weeks! And waking after being in a coma is not pleasant at all. Is confusing and scary. I really did get an awakinging after this experience. And being in a hospital for almost one month is a long time! Just for you my friends all over the world, do not think I am gone, I have been in a place where I would never wish my worst enemy have to go. So take care of yourselves and your health, do not go crazy like I did this time. I will write more about this, but right now I just don’t know what to write or remember, it’s time to take care of me and mine as you did for me!

me

And writitng in Norwegian is not even my style, the language lack some words, so it all seems more poor in my opinion. But to you whom write in Norwegian, good job, you found a voice within yourselves.

Love,

Any Bryde

The One That Got Tooo Long


I just have to say hello to you all out there! You’ve sent hundreds of comments. I’m going through them, just a little behind 🙂  I’m overwhelmed and beyond humbled over your compliments, thank you! I’ve always been feeling like time is right and now is for jumping all around, and suddenly I forget (it’s more now) what we’re up next.. I feel the shift and it’s pretty constant. But hey, I’m just going with the flow, following the wind and we all shall see. Life’s one time, so dream big, go for it and be Happy! 

oslo by night

 And I’m sorry for not having answered all the comments, but there are so many comments – not in a bad way! Believe you me that these are the kindest of words very different ones beyond the biggest compliments  from what I walk around with inside my brain 24/7. 

So I’m still going to read everything you send, but if it’s a repeating on there’s a search on my site 🙂  So now, it’s time to let on a few guest authors/bloggers, any one, if you want to have an “article” as you all called them mail it to me annickenlb@me.com but I have a fee criterias: 

  1. it must be a true story form your life and you have to of course be in it
  2. Since I also lived or living through it right now as I write
  3. Be honest and speak from the heart, don’t think, close your eye and feel I’m 
  4. If you struggle with your choice, choose the one that’s closest or the story in your hear
  5. The story has to be for all eyes and ears 🙂

I give you all my soul in writing and fun fact, yes I got all the diagnoses also a few more personality disorders 🙂 so my information I guess is always and was always here. Because I’m living inside my own head, in this time when everybody is social and talking.  

kissed

 Half the time I think it’s a story about me and what I’m doing in the “moment”. But they put the story in the past, one plus one is two pretty fas there. So comes the questions, did they do all this plan everything because they want you to freak out.. I know that the conclusion and how I could see and hear all this is, watch out, slippery slope!  

three nen

 when they drugged me and I didn’t knew, but the always say and said what I was doing, what song to put on to make me not bad in my face, but happy, smiling. She’s smiling again was often mentioned and I think she’s ok now. And then it of course returns. Then the old man comes in and I’m just sitting not moving, talked. But I think a lot of it is by choice because to be honest: 
I really don’t know where to turn, so writing has and is my soul in nature. You see when the mind works faster than the hands or the hands out touches the brain. I and I can per ce if I want follow my dream. It’s looking promising this start of 2015, happy wise more last year. But that’s a long one and this was going to be a short one.  

blowup face

 And I feel I have to say a couple of things about me, the one who writes every word you read, lived the stories. And on top of that small little mountain pile of towels I’m a woman not a man and I run this site alone 🙂 and I love you all for the compliments and kind words, too much!  

lost

 I wish we could a spend more time trying to turn the brains functions on… 

Love

Any Bryde💋