When Life Give You Lemons… And You Give…


There’s a time in your life where you discover the realness in the people you mix in your circle. Life is not always a shining star. But believing that the stars go away forever occur not for everybody. You will have the ones that have already made up their minds about how and what you are. As for myself, I have noticed that the ones that tell you that honesty is the most important thing in their world are the ones that will stab you in the back when the wheels are turned. And then the scariest thing is that they do not admit or even acknowledge their wrongdoing. I do not feel sorry for these people, nor do I have empathy for these souls. Like they say, you grow as you go and life will always represent you with lemons. The lemonade will sometimes turn out so sour that it is hard not to choke on them.

There are two ways of living life, you can do it honestly and open and then there are the liars they think they are safe and sound. But in reality, they are the struggles, the ones who has huge issues with themselves and everything they see in the mirror. Yes, I am the one with eating disorders sitting alone here at Hells Kitchen with my pizza and my beer. But I am really doing everything to turn my life around. There is no joke in this, hiding begin the curtains or trying to be someone I am not. I do live with my heart on my sleeve and it is for the whole wide world to see! But it I do not think you can see the truth behind your own kind! Honestly, I think you or some of you really needs a crash course to see reality and the real world.


You close your eyes to the real things and think no one can break your perfect little bubble. But let me enlighten you about a few things; We live in “open” world, no matter all the lies you post on social media and brag about your achievements. There will come the day where you all will be recognized, lies and all! It is the reality of life, I am an independent, I do not care anymore. I am really satisfied. With seeing the truth I see your eyes, the words that you spit from your narrow sited fucked up mouth! It is not about how much money you have, what you find in your closet or how you dress. It is all about your vibration and energy. How you leave your print if you are good or a bad seed…

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Love,

Any Bryde

To Fall In Love Six Feet Under


I fall in love with the same man every day, more and more, like it is a drug, but something that makes me feel good, a better me. Of course there are ups and downs, but when the heart beats and sing the same tune, it wants and you have to follow it. My mind is not right, but I try, work harder with this than you know, I am ill. Mental illness is like a devil, having Bipolar, Borderline, Dissociative and a few more it is a struggle. I do forget things, do things I do not remember and move stuff around, like hiding them for myself. I am fighting this every day and it is exhausting. I sometimes wonder if I will come out on the other side? And I took my bulimia again….

 

But the love inside my heart, beats hard for this man. We both have a past, but it is what it is. We know we belong together, there is nothing that will stop me from fighting this fight and I intend to win. To capture his love, heart and soul, show him that I am worth having by his side. As for me and my brain, I am not crazy, I just have a few diagnoses that make me different from other people. I wish it could be removed, but medicine and pills keep me in check, a place where i am closer to myself than for years. So I know loving me and being with me is not easy, but believe me when I say I try to I know you try. We are soul mates, we click like I have never done before. We have our moments, but I always miss him when he is not here and I love him more than life itself.

 

I am not a perfect person, far from, but I do my best and I hope you see this. you people on the streets, looking at me. I am not weird, strange or so different. On the outside, I look “normal”, but this illness is not visible, it is the invisible chronic pain and voices twirling around in my head. I do not know what is wrong with me, but apparently there is a huge mistake being me, there is nothing I can do right. I fail, I really believe I am a burden, and should not be on this earth. I belong six feet under.

 

But what do i do when he is saying we’re not in sync, is it all me or is it something that is not right. People leave me when we should talk, trying to bring the trust back in a relationship. I am sick, but it is not my fault. I feel alone in this world, always. I love with my heart and soul, but it is on its way to be broken, my spirit is gone. last night I took eight sleeping pills and two Valium, nothing knocks me out, it just make me sleep. I do not want to wake up anymore, I am tired and exhausted of this life. I really do not know what to do anymore, I break when you leave. I get that you need air, but it is always so dramatic. And that is not my style, I am a calm, mentally ill person. I live with these illnesses and sometimes I cannot control it. I hate it, I would change my life for not having these diagnoses. But I am born bipolar, what can I do? Borderline and dissociative follow me everywhere, but I really do not think anyone understand s me.

 

Love,

Any Bryde

What Happens When I Am Taking It Back


Now the table has turned, I am in control and I am slowly learning what is positive energy and negative energy. There are so many people who is only interested in one thing, themselves. There is no wrong in putting yourself first, but what about the other person? Is it something that is too selfish? Or is that a synonym for being like a fish, they do it all by themselves… Swim around int he big ocean. Of course there are fishes that travels in sheep herds. And the other ones like wolf’s, but still they travel in companionship. They have families, small packs of someone being on the same frequency. It is good to have people on the same level as you. Or at least that they understand you.

  

Me I am in an own world where the wonderland is becoming more and more real. It is like everything is flourishing, blossoming up and out. To an extend that is out of my reach. But I am hanging on, to the thread that takes me to this wonderful new place. Here the fall has come, faster than I knew, because of me being in a coma.The world of earth, people, animals and all the other living creatures here. Is a place where you follow this routine. I do not look upon it. Think it is a little or actually very boring. I find my self alone..again, know it is not me. But every thought and film in my head plays you on repeat. Where did you go? Am I so bad that you had to run away?

  

Is it my personalities that destroys me, I am sorry, but there are so many things in my head, maybe not “normal” like some of you, but still here. Living and breathing, so now I know I want to live, this life, with the fighting against the eternal light I won. So why not just try to recover myself to me again. My personas will always follow me, everywhere. But tha fact that I know this is in my head, it is ok with me. I look “normal” on the outside, from you whom do not have the trained eye. They see my manic state, my eager to run around and do something all the time. Nothing going fast enough! I bet there are many of you recognizing yourselves in this picture. I know so well I am not alone in this place. Having Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Disorder, Dissociative Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, Eating Disorder and still doing self-harming. It is a life that I now have chosen to accept. It is me, I cannot change these, but I can try to live along with them.

  

Of course I look different from some of you, I am not “normal” in any way, I see things, hear voices and a little crazy. Never underestimate yourself, even with a chronic disease. You will make it, just follow your heart and soul.

   

Love,

Any Bryde

When everybody smiles


It’s the 23 of December, the day before Christmas Eve. I woke up here in Tønsberg, celebrating this holiday with my family here. At my moms there are TV Channels and newspapers, so I read myself up to date on events and people. I read this article on Facebook, written by a person in Bergen. Who is lonely, poor and excluded from society. Here is a link to the article, it’s in Norwegian; A living death. Maybe there are some kind souls out there who can give this person a hand?

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This is so sad, I wish that you will get some friends and that 2014 will give you your spark back! Keep fighting, there are many people here who support and try to help. Hoping this will continue after Christmas. Because the problem here in Norway is that people pretend to care, just because it’s a holiday and when the everyday comes back they all crawl back into to their safe cave… I wish for people who care, help, give and receive. People who will love unconditionally, not because I am perfect, but because of all my flaws, craziness and unstable mood. I feel lonely because I feel like no one understand me, I feel lost inside my own head and my mental health is still unstable.

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I don’t know how to be me anymore, I feel so empty inside and at the same time I feel like I have nothing to give to my friends and family. I always dread social events with more than one or two persons… So I try to even it out with wine, I also have been taking Valium because of all the stress and manic episodes that people create around me. Just stay away please, I’m struggling so hard with trying to live this life with my diagnoses and meds. Trying to figure out what others think and say behind my back… So for 2014 I have to lean back and be an observer… I’m not comfortable with it, because I feel like I drag and that I bore people with my apperance. Some of you “normal” people should really try to walk a mile in another person shoes. Try to see the person behind the stone mask and get us to open up just a small crack, so you can get inside and help the heart and soul to heal. As for us Bipolar and Borderline people we are honest, direct and mysterious. So don’t hesitate to ask or contact us. Because inside there is the heart that loves unconditionally no matter who or where you are from. And at the same time we are easy to use because of our naive, gullible and open personalities. I open my arms for people I should not and get burned every time, so I will stop this now! To all of you users that believe you get things for free, karma will come and bite your butts!

I’m starting to see who my real friends are…

XxX