Failing Is Not The Worst In Life


thinking this life and planet is not meant for the honest and open. i now have a soul that really does not care what others think or say anymore. but if you are a liar one who just assume and only care about yourself or those who fit your frame of humans you should be ashamed and find a new path in your life. knowing i also have accepted almost everything throughout my life from different people have and will always be a trauma for me as long as i am alive. so now i am and still will clean out my closet deleting some of you and maybe for the rest of our lives. there is a chance to correct the wrongdoings the hurtful words and the solitude space it seems like you placed me in all my life. but i will not say i am sorry anymore because honestly i have actually done nothing wrong except for trying to stand for my own life. well yes i have probably been to honest for your taste and as always i am the one to blame so it easier to keep living your lies. but if you dig within your own souls you will find the answer and hopefully see why i tried to reach out asking for help the way i am doing and see the reality for what it is. being me has not been easy and i know that this is a lifetime event. because separating myself from toxin and people is what has been taking place since i was put on medicine that destroyed my health body and brain. these pills did not help me but made me a lesser human in every way. they took away my personality and made me into a soulless shell of stupidity with the worst judgement since 2010. seeing they might help some but also not making me think ; hey either they want to be drugged down or have an excuse for doing absolutely nothing in their lives.

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the era we are going through now is filled with prescription drugs addicts alcoholics abusers criminals corruption murderers racists and us who fight for something real here in our lives. taking a stand on which side to stay on is something that some of you are struggling with and might should start to think of. i hope that someday you wake up and see how you treat your children family friends colleagues neighbours and loved ones. because seeing this from a place far away makes the pieces fall into a completely different place this time. learning that some of you still play the game of #iampretendingtobethebestandperfect is a laughable joke of people thinking they are all that. i am sorry to have to say that some of you should wake up an teach eachother that a good soul is the most beautiful a human can be throughout life. it does not matter if you have a master of whatever degree because education is so much more than a paper. working is something everybody does because the money is needed for life on earth. sadly some of you actually kill innocent humans for a living and walk freely around because the safety is absent some places here on planetearth.

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i do not know how humanity will solve this problem but to shine a light on the reality is what the world needs. you think to highly of yourselves and the lies you are living but it also seems like you appreciate this more for an unexplainable reason. so for the future the world seems hopelessly helpless but we are not the one to give up our hope for the rest of the living. as for myself i will honestly admit i am lonely but this is better than having people who pretend they love me around. so for me and my baby i will always keep an eye and ear open but failing is also a part of our lives. so please just stay away if your intention is to only talk to me to boost your ego or narcissistic persona and not be here for us. since i know i am not the best to stay in contact myself i ask you to please remember i have been let down in my life. i am trying so hard to believe that the ones i love want to keep me in their private lives. for me this will take some time because of personal trauma and the fear of being rejected and feeling unwanted all my life. thus i also know that being alone is not the worst that can happen to a person in this time i still have some i love in my heart.

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much love

My Firstborn My Blood


for a second i thought my life was filled with something else. then discovering i am filled with a baby. blessed to give life to something completely innocent beautiful and precious that no one has ever met before. now learning from my experience that trusting my own body and listening to my souls is sometimes the only thing that seems right in this world. but as far as i know you only know about me and my insides. learning that there are early signs and that i have felt you growing inside me for a while now ; my obgyn says it has been 10weeks. i have felt the warmth ~ your heartbeats ~ movement ~ peace. i have cried ~ thrown up ~ smelled everyhting ~ breasts aching. so when i first saw your pictures i said out loud ; BABY ! and now you are everything in my life forever. i will promise you everything i can give you ; with an open heart ~ an honest soul. i am hoping for us to be everything you wish for. i will fight for and hope that you never feel unwanted. if someone does anything bad to you all you have to do is tell me. because for the rest of our lives and in eternity i will be your 엄마 my 아이 to be. remember always that love comes from our insides and sharing our lives is worth more than fame money and stardom. from now you are my all ; the one i will place first. and if you in the future will get a 동생 you will share this sunlight forever. so my 도담 사랑해요 항상 i love you forever. and when you learn to read you will read my written stories ♡

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of course in my life love comes with heartbreaks. but i am trying not to fall because of my stomach is growing. for as now i know my life will change. but i also know we have time to find our own ways. but i have to go to a place i really do not want to live. but since this is for you 도담 i will do what is the best for you in this moment. never do i hope you will blame me for this. but i know you will question why maybe. but as soon as you are here on the outside of me i will explain and give you my all for eternity.

i am not rich but i have what we need and if you lack something i am saving for your future.

엄마 ♡

Purple Lotus Movement


Purple Lotus Movement

this is so we can build up our lives again ~ us who has been sent away from korea but wish to live and be back home again. this is a project to help raise money so we can find housing work and get help to build up our community and lives again. ofcourse this is only for us who lives here and work together for our community where we want to live and work for a united society of adoptees in seoul. i wish to find a building where we all can live and then help other adoptees to start their lives here again. so if there are humans who want to contribute or help please contact me by email.

it is very sad for me to write this but this country has made so much money of us who are adopted. because still there are koreans that live here as orphans in facilities that also i wish to help. there are so many talented and well educated humans among us adoptees and most of us suffer because of the feeling of being rejected ; abandoned ; racism ; abuse ; mental health issues ; illnesses. so coming back home and have a place where we can help ourselves and others so we can live here and learn the korean language and work is something that is very much needed.

as for example there are organizations who help with school intuition ; language classes ; f4visa : guesthouses. but there should be a place where we could have a community and thrive because we are all humans and have huge resources and can contribute in our own way to our homecountry.

much love

김유화~Aitreuya YooHwai LilandBryde Kim