Blaming me for what?


There’s these people walking around pretending to be more genuine than everybody else. They smile, give you compliments and behave, dare I say – “normal”. Suddenly they turn a corner and out comes another person. Screaming, shouting and blaming the other person for every single thing.

The past is something we all share, well not exactly the same. Some things we do share is that we have all made mistakes, made the wrong choice and befriended the wrong people. It’s not easy being alive and living today. We can’t actually trust everybody, even though we should be able to trust humanity. Am I the magnet for sociopaths?

Being naive shouldn’t be a bad thing, and it’s healthy not to assume the worst of people isn’t it? Then again it’s probably normal to have some skepticism and questions when meeting new people. Should it be necessary to have them take a personality test before you interact with someone new? I don’t know about you, or your experiences with the “blamers”. On my end there’s been so many, and they’re always the ones contacting me first. Trying to manipulate me into believing I did them wrong. Hell to the no!

The satisfaction of destroying another person because you believe in lies and spread rumors that are untrue is sad. There’s no respect, empathy or insight going on whatsoever.

Then again, when you catch this behavior early on, it’s smart to have everything in writing. These people record your conversations, phonecalls and go into a delusional state when youre not answering. In the past I felt sorry for them, but now it has awakened something in me – warrior mode.

Don’t think we’re easy prey just because we’re silent. We’re gathering information to take you down legally. Don’t believe that you have won, just because you think you’re right. We won’t let you get away like you did in the past. Because now it is time for retaliation. Just when you thought nothing would happen, boom!

Hope life is well and you all stay safe!

Much love 김유화

Eight Weeks


 Eight weeks has passed and I would not change anything. Time goes too fast and I try to remember everything. Capture our moments, your life, evolving while I blink and breathe. You are so precious and beautiful, small and petite… It is almost unbelievable that you also will become a grown up like me. You snore, babble, smile and cry. And I soak up every single second of your life. I am always here by your side, never will I disappear. How is it possible to love someone so much, without demanding anything?

I have to admit that I wish we had someone to share all our moments with. Because this experience is truly amazing and something that is worthy  of sharing. That is the moments I tear up and cry my tears. When I think of all the humans you do not get to meet and when I am reminded that I do this all by myself. For now, because you are too little to know, remember and see how beautiful our lives are within. I try to capture our lives and memories for you. Your smile shine light on the darkest hour, and the sparkles in your eyes are like crystal diamonds. Waking up to your babbling and having you showering me with smiles, is something i wish we could have videotaped. But being just the two of us makes it kind of difficult, so for now I keep them in my heart and mind.

We have had it quite easy, and made it this far. Of course you scream, but what can we do. That is your voice, until your words will come through. So I hope you always will know and remember that your eomma loves you.

엄마

Past Our Due Date


We have officially past our due date and I am wondering when she will escape from her cave. I have had Braxton Hicks Contractions for a while, but no real pain yet. Honestly my whole pregnancy has been pretty comfortable. The worst has been being so fucking sleepy all the time and now, feeling so huge and heavy. I threw up a lot and was nauseous in the first trimester, but survived. The pregnancy brain has taken over my life the past 7 months, so I have taken me-time and focused on my inner circle. Today the bloody show arrived and I hope this is a sign of labor, since our due date was July 14 and I really want a natural birth.

Wondering how it will be to finally meet my baby and how she will look like is coming to an end. Knowing that becoming a mom is the universe’s greatest love, makes me feel blessed, happy and calm.

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I have learned through my pregnancy that the best thing is to just relax, enjoy, eat what you want in small amounts and not really plan anything. Of course the weight gain is weighing me down, but I know it is baby weight and will try to get back to a healthy body. It will probably not be done overnight, but there is time. Tomorrow we are going in for our past due date checkup and in a few days I will hold my little one in my arms.

Much love

 

To Be A Gentle Soul


Suddenly the snow is gone and we can finally see the grass again. The temperature is on the plus side and the sun is smiling down on us once more again. Spring has set her foot here in Norway. This country is not where i want to be, but for now it is home and soon a smaller version of me will appear. A baby spending all her time in a small sack inside my belly is growing strong. Her little kicks, pushes and hiccups takes most of my time now and for the rest of my life will be number one.

I am hoping you will be a precious one, filled with love and a heart of gold. Not afraid of what the world has to show you, but intelligent enough to know that your soul belongs to the universe and that we are our own. I hope you will have open eyes and ears, so no one can do harm to your soul. But wise enough to be a gentle soul and see through all the bullshit and lies when it is shown. Smiling, laughing, crying, feeling every single drop of our blood. You will be a strong one, with a voice of your own. As you will light up the summer with your eyes, I know your soul will be warm. Finding your way through this life might not be easy, but i promise you you will never be alone.

As for the wind there will be storms, but I will always support your goals. So when the time comes and you will be born you will be known. As the one I have always waited for, my first born, a child unknown. Together we are our own little tree, but in our past there are many more. Here we also have branches that reaches out to us, but with another root in the soil. So when you are sad look in my eyes and I will comfort your soul.

엄마