The Ambassador Of South Korea In Norway


It all started in July and has been the dream I secretly dreamed my whole life. So I’ve been thinking of this for a while and searching online but I did not find information about it anywhere. So I went to the embassy of South Korea and asked where I could learn Korean. The man behind the glass kindly help me and printed out some pages for me with all the information I needed. I thanked him and walked out. I instantly called my mom and ask if I could get a Korean language lesson for my birthday present this year? And she kindly answered “of course you can if this is what you want. Education is never a heavy burden.”


I ran home and emailed the school and started on 29 August 2016. And we got a schedule for the whole semester and in there we had scheduled a literature evening, and there were a contest. I have been writing my whole life, so I thought about it and decided to write a poem. It took me probably about 15 minutes tops. And then I emailed it to my teacher and she translated to Hangeul for me. And then my practice started. I practiced all the time and we also did a small roleplay the with the class and performed a song called 보보보.


I was so nervous for the deadline and through the evening it felt like it was a 1month wait! And I also had so much nerves and I was just hoping to make my teachers proud. So finally the time came and I read my poem in my not so good korean. And I won! Best of the best! And the price was next semester free on the Korean school and I was so happy that I even started to cry I think I never won one thing alone in my life! So this was pretty much a huge deal for me and it’s from my heart and soul so yes it’s something I should probably be proud of. And it got me a Facebook message from the admin’s at school and she asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner at the ambassadors the house on the 16th of November at the Embassy of South Korea because he was really impressed with my performance and my writing. And I of course momentarily said YES and thank you for the invitation for this event.


I just kept on smiling. And then the evening came I got dressed up, sent snapchat’s all around for my own outfit to be approved. And I got thumbs up so I just took my umbrella because it was raining and walked out the door. I am walking to the tram into the tram to the underground. My wish and expectations for this night made me speechless! I was a little early and the texted my teacher that I was in the bakery waiting. And I also went to a few pharmacies before. And then she came in, and she had to get dressed or change so she changed the look in the bathroom. Then we went to the bus and that was the shortest way to walk to the house. We also met a few others, so we went together to the house.  I walked up and it was one of the most amazing house I’ve ever seen here in the Norway. And they are such warm people! I prepared a little story and like a kid I wrote it on the big yellow papersheet with the purple calligraphy pen. I think they liked it…. I think or feel the writing looked like an four year old kid drawing..but yeah anyway I am kind of. And then we had the food and they do so much in so many different things. The food was amazing and filled me like a fat kids love cake! For the first dish, the scallops a salad, then the fried vegetables like lotus, squash, shrimp and pumpkin i think. Then there were something with the kimchi with oyster and pig, then there was this roll but it was salmon with spinach and a sauce and then the soup the cabbage with the rice and purple beans the kimchi, squid and then lastly it was desert: the cheese cake and fruits and we had wine.


I took a lot of pictures and the others where taking a lot of pictures and it was such a lovely night, we talked about how I found the Korean school and of the other girl from school who also got invited.  I was so honored and I got the seat next to the ambassador, it was such a dream fulfilled! And after the dinnner I was so fired up so I couldn’t go home so I went to Rock-In and played some pool and drank a little more.

Love,

Any Bryde

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To Fall In Love Six Feet Under


I fall in love with the same man every day, more and more, like it is a drug, but something that makes me feel good, a better me. Of course there are ups and downs, but when the heart beats and sing the same tune, it wants and you have to follow it. My mind is not right, but I try, work harder with this than you know, I am ill. Mental illness is like a devil, having Bipolar, Borderline, Dissociative and a few more it is a struggle. I do forget things, do things I do not remember and move stuff around, like hiding them for myself. I am fighting this every day and it is exhausting. I sometimes wonder if I will come out on the other side? And I took my bulimia again….

 

But the love inside my heart, beats hard for this man. We both have a past, but it is what it is. We know we belong together, there is nothing that will stop me from fighting this fight and I intend to win. To capture his love, heart and soul, show him that I am worth having by his side. As for me and my brain, I am not crazy, I just have a few diagnoses that make me different from other people. I wish it could be removed, but medicine and pills keep me in check, a place where i am closer to myself than for years. So I know loving me and being with me is not easy, but believe me when I say I try to I know you try. We are soul mates, we click like I have never done before. We have our moments, but I always miss him when he is not here and I love him more than life itself.

 

I am not a perfect person, far from, but I do my best and I hope you see this. you people on the streets, looking at me. I am not weird, strange or so different. On the outside, I look “normal”, but this illness is not visible, it is the invisible chronic pain and voices twirling around in my head. I do not know what is wrong with me, but apparently there is a huge mistake being me, there is nothing I can do right. I fail, I really believe I am a burden, and should not be on this earth. I belong six feet under.

 

But what do i do when he is saying we’re not in sync, is it all me or is it something that is not right. People leave me when we should talk, trying to bring the trust back in a relationship. I am sick, but it is not my fault. I feel alone in this world, always. I love with my heart and soul, but it is on its way to be broken, my spirit is gone. last night I took eight sleeping pills and two Valium, nothing knocks me out, it just make me sleep. I do not want to wake up anymore, I am tired and exhausted of this life. I really do not know what to do anymore, I break when you leave. I get that you need air, but it is always so dramatic. And that is not my style, I am a calm, mentally ill person. I live with these illnesses and sometimes I cannot control it. I hate it, I would change my life for not having these diagnoses. But I am born bipolar, what can I do? Borderline and dissociative follow me everywhere, but I really do not think anyone understand s me.

 

Love,

Any Bryde

What Happens When I Am Taking It Back


Now the table has turned, I am in control and I am slowly learning what is positive energy and negative energy. There are so many people who is only interested in one thing, themselves. There is no wrong in putting yourself first, but what about the other person? Is it something that is too selfish? Or is that a synonym for being like a fish, they do it all by themselves… Swim around int he big ocean. Of course there are fishes that travels in sheep herds. And the other ones like wolf’s, but still they travel in companionship. They have families, small packs of someone being on the same frequency. It is good to have people on the same level as you. Or at least that they understand you.

  

Me I am in an own world where the wonderland is becoming more and more real. It is like everything is flourishing, blossoming up and out. To an extend that is out of my reach. But I am hanging on, to the thread that takes me to this wonderful new place. Here the fall has come, faster than I knew, because of me being in a coma.The world of earth, people, animals and all the other living creatures here. Is a place where you follow this routine. I do not look upon it. Think it is a little or actually very boring. I find my self alone..again, know it is not me. But every thought and film in my head plays you on repeat. Where did you go? Am I so bad that you had to run away?

  

Is it my personalities that destroys me, I am sorry, but there are so many things in my head, maybe not “normal” like some of you, but still here. Living and breathing, so now I know I want to live, this life, with the fighting against the eternal light I won. So why not just try to recover myself to me again. My personas will always follow me, everywhere. But tha fact that I know this is in my head, it is ok with me. I look “normal” on the outside, from you whom do not have the trained eye. They see my manic state, my eager to run around and do something all the time. Nothing going fast enough! I bet there are many of you recognizing yourselves in this picture. I know so well I am not alone in this place. Having Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Disorder, Dissociative Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, Eating Disorder and still doing self-harming. It is a life that I now have chosen to accept. It is me, I cannot change these, but I can try to live along with them.

  

Of course I look different from some of you, I am not “normal” in any way, I see things, hear voices and a little crazy. Never underestimate yourself, even with a chronic disease. You will make it, just follow your heart and soul.

   

Love,

Any Bryde

I Don’t Know What Hit Me…


I do not know and my brain is on overload. I am analyzing everything and thinking about the words that been written and said. Where is the truth, what is the meaning? Is this life really worth everything? Am I always in the wrong is my life and needs not worth anything? I am really done this time, my life should be worth something more than this. Does it all happen in Wonderland or hell? Is reality real or a dream from the darkness, how is it that I always wind up in situations where I am a revolving door?

broken

I am a place where I do not really know who to trust anymore… I struggle inside and I am tired. Want to shut it all down, be gone and never return. I cannot handle this anymore. Manipulations, ugly words, complaining about that I do everything wrong and putting others needs before myself. I still do things I cannot remember, not serious stuff, but move stuff, write things and so on. I still do wonder about everything that has been said; is it truth or lies?

forever

Love does not disappear suddenly. When I love someone it is forever and there has not been many real loved ones in my life. You know who you are. I do not know how to process things, people put everything on me, telling me I am crazy! If you believe that you have never seen crazy! But hating myself is easy at the moment and the person in the mirror is miserable.  I wish there was something that removed my pain forever. I am broken like that mirror that fell on the floor in thousand pieces. Life just keeps turning on me. How long can I handle this shit? Is it meaning that I have to fight all the time? This illness is nothing to joke with and if you do not want to try to understand, let me be me and take my heart serious. Just get the hell out of my life! It is probably harsh, but I am tired, exhausted, there are people around me that I think just use me and do not care.

the same horrors

What happened to honesty, trust and truth? Did they jump out the window with your iq, the dwarfs from inside your brain? In your world, who am I to you? Am I worth your time or are you still playing the game? My love is real, but my heart hurts! I have fought like hell to get back from the E-coli I had other infections too. And is this it…sometimes I wish I never came back… I know it is a really bad thing to say, but I believe a lot of you would be better with me not being here. Maybe my depression is on its way…

I love bipolar

People leave, are they then really worth my tears? Is it a place that will grow in the darkness. It is hard to love someone who treats you like you are shit. I do miss you. Why did you spend all the time in the hospital, promising me eternity? Telling me I do not know what love is! But wake up, I do, I love with all I have. Maybe I am not enough, maybe some people need more. But what more? It was not like you brought anything to the table! It all feels like a nightmare. I thought I had a good friend, but could I ever have been so wrong?

hurt people

Love,

Any Bryde