My Firstborn My Blood


for a second i thought my life was filled with something else. then discovering i am filled with a baby. blessed to give life to something completely innocent beautiful and precious that no one has ever met before. now learning from my experience that trusting my own body and listening to my souls is sometimes the only thing that seems right in this world. but as far as i know you only know about me and my insides. learning that there are early signs and that i have felt you growing inside me for a while now ; my obgyn says it has been 10weeks. i have felt the warmth ~ your heartbeats ~ movement ~ peace. i have cried ~ thrown up ~ smelled everyhting ~ breasts aching. so when i first saw your pictures i said out loud ; BABY ! and now you are everything in my life forever. i will promise you everything i can give you ; with an open heart ~ an honest soul. i am hoping for us to be everything you wish for. i will fight for and hope that you never feel unwanted. if someone does anything bad to you all you have to do is tell me. because for the rest of our lives and in eternity i will be your 엄마 my 아이 to be. remember always that love comes from our insides and sharing our lives is worth more than fame money and stardom. from now you are my all ; the one i will place first. and if you in the future will get a 동생 you will share this sunlight forever. so my 도담 사랑해요 항상 i love you forever. and when you learn to read you will read my written stories ♡

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of course in my life love comes with heartbreaks. but i am trying not to fall because of my stomach is growing. for as now i know my life will change. but i also know we have time to find our own ways. but i have to go to a place i really do not want to live. but since this is for you 도담 i will do what is the best for you in this moment. never do i hope you will blame me for this. but i know you will question why maybe. but as soon as you are here on the outside of me i will explain and give you my all for eternity.

i am not rich but i have what we need and if you lack something i am saving for your future.

엄마 ♡

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Inside 2017October


“these days i wish for something
like respect love honesty my own family
there has been so much hardships
where i have been left lonely” 12.10.2017
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“two years ago i was put in a coma
where my soul ended up in a realm of drugs and humantrafficking
they emptied our bodies for organs in the mountains of calcutta
and then sent us back to the western world filled with drugs in our blood” 13.10.2017
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“this was the last day of my coma 2years ago
i was awaken by my late dad who passed from cancer 8years ago
so this year i am in my origin
but i still do not know where i was born
so last night i danced the night away” 14.10.2017
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i was “dead but woke up because my dad who passed from cancer 8years ago told me too ; “you have to wake up my girl, this is not a place for you” ~ was his words 💝🙇🏻‍♀️♾ so i woke up on my late dads birthday, 15.10.2015 💔 14.10.2017
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for my dad ; captain th bryde ;
“today my dad would have turned 71
you are born 1946.15.10. and died from cancer 2008.01.10
on this date exactly 2years ago
you woke me up from the coma i was put in ; “jenta mi! du må våkne opp. du har sovi for lenge. dette er ikke et sted for deg. for du skal ikke død nå. så du må kjempe deg tilbake til den levende verden. så følger vi deg og vil alltid passe på deg alle sammen. for vi er de som elsker deg!”
my answer was something like this ; “det går bra pappan min jeg slapper av her. jeg veit ikke hvor jeg er. hvor er jeg, er jeg ikke våken? jeg kan ikke dra fra deg nu når jeg har funnet deg her. jeg savner deg og er helt aleine. pappa jeg elsker deg!”
are some of our words from our conversation in a place where i was without air
so now i am alone in seoul again but with you all around me everywhere” 💝🌌🙇🏻‍♀️ 2017.15.10

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“the goal for life
is a society of peace
of course we will have problems
but we can still live together in harmony” 2017.16.10
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“there are ppl in this world who spend their time hacking and stalking
stealing pictures apps smartphones and digital lives from us humans
you even take our names rape us try to kill us and then brag about it or report a false statement to try to be somebody
so i will stand up and speak the truth and show the world because you are doing this to us who have been around the globe” 2017.17.10
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“sometimes i hold my breath to see if i am still breathing
but then i feel fat as i have the worst eatingdisorders
but leaving the abuser and the shitty country called norway
has helped my soul back home to korea” 2017.18.10
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“surprisingly or not this place also contains fake ppl
sometimes it takes time but in the end they cannot hide it
a commonthing between them is all they care about is money
pretending to be more than us other humans who live honestly
mostly they live of their parents and think they know languages
but intelligent is not measured in how many years you went to privateschools” 2017.19.10

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“these days i realize more and more
separating my mind body soul and heart
nevertheless i see the truth in your eyes
feeling your ignorant spoiled soul
truly hating you for taking my words
and thinking there are rules on how to live love eat and write
wondering how you make your money
seeing a schemer and your black soul” 2017.20.10

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“for a while i thought i could survive alone
realizing now i need someone
being deceived abused and let down
will grow our soul into a dragonite
where i now use my steps
i see different faces hear stories and see seoul in humans eyes
thus i hope to trust the ones i choose
i still expect to somewhat be abused” 2017.21.10

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“awakened again by ppl begging and some of your conversations are just about negativity
it can also be your thoughts but then i feel sorry for you
that your brain contains nothing but stupidity lies repeatedly gossipness
my fault is that i believed some of you where humans
thus everybody has their right to their own opionions” 2017.22.10

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“the sadness to see and know humans heart
can somewhat be more but will it rip us appart
the only i know how to handle pain
is to hurt and selfharm my own self
how i execute pain on myself is a secret i will keep until my breath is taken away
the only thing i will say is that you will never see an outside scar done by myself
if there is a visible scar it is done by someone else” 2017.23.10

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“all these dreaming gets me confused
which of you are the reality or a future view
is it so when i wake up
i say smile to myself and change the outlook for another view
where is the energy that is suppose to include” 2017.24.10

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“last night i ran to sleep
so this morning my brain was filled
i was afraid my 동생 was angry
so i went into her house to be a loving 언니” 2017.25.10

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“now my body and mind is exhausted
from all the negative culprits around me
i wish for a better tomorrow
with light shining down on me” 2017.26.10

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“tired because i woke up in the middle of the night and started working
so my soul is a little empty from lies and culprits
looking for your soul in all the realms i can reach
thus knowing i always have you next to me” 2017.27.10

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“after i went to the war museum alone
i now understand that some people are fake too
so i went and asked my 오빠 where i could eat lamb
so this halloween i only honour the dead souls” 2017.27.10

“i know you see a smile but it is just a millisecond
thinking of something that let me be happy
my choice is to delete rude childish behavioural people
leaving our life more delightful than ever”
“reasonable late awaken this morning
smiling to the world and keep going forward
it is a 안녕하세요 괜찮아
so let us be one and never depart” 2017.28.10

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“my dead souls awakes me by their voices
me i am deep inside vivid dreams
where i walk and fly around from places to places
as i meet people humans and those i love
it is all picture clear with sound and colors
but the exactly locations i harder to pin” 2017.29.10

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“wakening up something rumbling
my 변비 and the 약 i have taken for a couple of days is giving me a little discomforting
but finally it is on the move
after a couple of weeks with nothing” 2017.30.10

much love

Less Is Soul


again the place i had to grow up is thinking they can do whatever they want. to us who have nothing except for ourselves and have gone through a living hell. i know my life is not the worst one on earth and if the choice was presented i would only change a few things. i would change some of you ppl that have met me in real life. because you have not been my choice but criminal culprits. yes i have met you in a time in less control but to take advantage of someone who cannot say properly no. is on you not on me and i know this for sure. because my vengeance has grown strong. being human makes me hold back because doing something illegal is not a choice. but i will assure you if i could i would cut your heads clean off.

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thus these day i am happy and home the passport country is tourmenting my soul. so i telling you this i could not care less. than to let you abuse the power you suggest. remember now that i am suddenly back and will straight you up with tears in my eyes. the more i see of my seoul i grow founder and see how life is for other humans. around here there are ppl people humans and animals but somewhat i know someone also sees everything. walking around and see so little personalities but dressed facades to show a unraw self is sad but also understandable to me. because trust me i know how it is to look different.

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for years i have been told i am not enough and suddenly someone tells me i do too much. i do not understand the connection and chosen words but we are all right to have our own opinions. i respect and listen but do not tell me you know me. because sadly few of you ask me personal questions. not that i would answer from my time now because i always talk in the past. nevertheless am i a minority just because i am born in north korea. from where i wish to hope to find my birthplace because not knowing this will always keep me restless. i am at peace with what life has given me so far and hope you see what i do to stay alive. i met so many humans upon till now and only been her for 5weeks. surely i have not seen all of seoul but there is time and days to come to experience more. the season is changing everybody says winter is coming. but what is winter when i grew up in norway. i do not know how the winter is here but i love all seasons and seldom freeze. thus i also know i wish to travel around korea i take my time because i wish to walk this city.

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as for my eatingdisorders it probably look better than it is because i now eat every single day. but this is something outside my control because not letting myself selfharm is making it strong. but i will keep fighting both for me and my body hoping to someday feel a little more.

much love

 

Saving PlanetEarth


this is for you whom been abused used killed kidnapped and raped. for your families friends neighbours and workplaces. please do not be tempted by money from others that have more than you. accept that life sometimes is a little unfair and work together for a better society instead. with love we can reach so much further. so please do not kill your own race. where we live there is so many different souls but to use yourself to destroy our human and animal race is not why we are put here on planetearth.

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i am sad to see that so many of you think that the beauty standards only have one “face. the beauty is the difference in our souls and eyes. let us be us so we can shine bright as the stars. remember when at night and we look up at the sky. even when it is pitch black the stars shine behind the clouds. i understand we want to change our appearance, i made myself look more ladylike bodywise. but changing your face will somewhat change your brain. maybe not now but when you get children and a family. i understand if you do it for yourselves but remember to be honest about it and keep your old self at heart.

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i am also sad to see all this racism in 2017 but as we all know our lives circle around our lives. there are so many people making dirty money on cruelty so for you who have lost someone to drugs or humantrafficking ; remember to stay strong and never give up because sadly to say it is probably someone you know. these people circle around us like air. they can be your neighbour dentist doctor teacher driver police securitygards or a familymember. i know by heart there is one way to make the outside safer and thats how we do in korea with cctv. but still you need to trust all the workers in the place. because cruelty can have many faces but so can the faces of love and beauty!

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TO YOU CRIMINAL CULPRITS ; I KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO THE VICTIMS OF HUMANTRAFFICKING AND DRUGTRAFFICKING ; YOU HAR SENDING THEM IN CONTAINERS ON THE BOATS AND TRAINS AROUND THE WORLD TO EMPTY THEIR ORGANS SOMEWHERE IN INDIA CAMBODIA THAILAND AFRICA USA SOUTHAMERICA SCANDINAVIA AND MORE. YOU ALSO USE HIGHCLASS HOSPITALS BUT ALSO SHADY PLACES TO FILL THEIR BODIES WITH DRUGS SO YOU CAN MAKE MONEY ON THIS CRUELTY FOR AS WELL AS SELLING THEIR ORGANS BEFORE BURNING SOME OF THEM. I DO NOT KNOW FOR SURE WHERE ALL THIS TAKES PLACE ALL I KNOW IT IS SOMEWHERE WARM SANDY MOUNTAINLIKE IN CALCUTTA AMONGST OTHER CITIES. AND I DO NOT KNOW IF ALL THEM TALK ENGLISH. THESE PPL ARE WELL EDUCATED SO IT CAN BE THAT THEY ARE PRETENDING NOT TO CARE OR UNDERSTAND. BUT IT IS TO SILENT US HUMANS THAT ARE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU PPL! SO SOME OF THE PILLS YOU PRESCRIBE AND SELL ARE WHAT YOU USE TO MAKE HUMANS INTO DRUGADDICTS AND WHORES AND EVEN WORSE TO MAKE THEM ABUSE OUR CHILDREN AND ANIMALS AND THEMSELVES! THIS IS NOT HOW THE WORLD SHOULD BE. AND IT IS ROOTED IN THE WESTERN WHITE SOCIETY! #StandUpForSomething #victims #humantrafficking #drugtrafficking #mentalawareness #humanity #peace #animals #planetearth #society #DoSomething #SaveLives

much love