Culprits


september is finally here and i do feel more calm than the previous months. this year has been hell for as well as the past. but why complain when i can tell you all in words about how it is to live and be abused in what these people call the “best country in the world.

i am bought to norway without my concent and would change this life for everything else. but now that i am over 35 years i am blessed to be breathing and seeing the sun. i will not say it has all been bad but mainly i have been abused. by almost everybody in my life but i have deleted them now or as they say “blocked you in facebook. after years with emotional abuse from some of the people. i have cut them out like garbage and cigarettes. to me they have never meant nothing at all because all they do is lie cheat use violence and drink. the words that they use are mainly negative and they spread rumors and lies about almost everybody. i have never wished for them so the loss is not big. but of course i am broken because i have been there for them. but my pride is stronger than these fake people style so it so easy to just say goodbye.

i have been blamed by the girl and she has said to my mom “it is her fault i have no friends had to go to a psycholog and all that. mom you have to pay! the boy is a racist and violent or they both actually are. but some years ago he was kinder than now. these people seem ignonrant and unintelligent to me because all they do is copy cut and paste. thus i really do not know because all their socialmedia is secret. so their life is probably fake with the lies inbetween. as expected of course some people believe in lies and i do not have any energy to tell them otherwise.

this situation and abuse i have been through is hard because again i have been exposed to violence and harm. i wish for a capitol punhisment for these crimes and for the criminals to pay their way in life. in this country the rapers run freely in the streets. where they have goals to fuck at least a new girl every day. i do not know how a person can go through with this. but when i look back at the raper i only see stupidity in his eyes. thinking you are something when you are so ugly and violent is somewhat a laughing stock for the real market! and these people of course are in a group but not a popular one just a messenger thing. i think they have a deal where they drug girls and take them home because everything i have been through since i met them is in shadows. of course the other one broke my ribs and made some friends delete the police report from the prison they work in. i know cause they called me on a number unknown from a prison in oslo norway and i have met them once. i do not remember the names but i know the culprit and his fucked up family so to tell you all karma will hit you!

for the last one he is an fake and someone i dated he has used and abused me as well. the last he did after he got me pregnant was strungle me 3 times in a row. i lost my breath and almost died my neck and throat got crushed and the voice dissapeard. and i lost the unborn beacuse of all of this violence so now i am done with you sociopathic unempathic dumb people. this country is filled with so much criminality and fake news that even the politician parties are in on it! as for the terrorattack here in oslo they all might have a connection because these actions against me remind me of death and blackness. the others that think they have gotten a pass should look back and know that you are breaking all the laws. getting friends to come up to me is not smart when you have restrittiva and not doing your job policeofficer it is bad i have to say. but i know you know so i will see what happens next.

much love

To Fall In Love Six Feet Under


I fall in love with the same man every day, more and more, like it is a drug, but something that makes me feel good, a better me. Of course there are ups and downs, but when the heart beats and sing the same tune, it wants and you have to follow it. My mind is not right, but I try, work harder with this than you know, I am ill. Mental illness is like a devil, having Bipolar, Borderline, Dissociative and a few more it is a struggle. I do forget things, do things I do not remember and move stuff around, like hiding them for myself. I am fighting this every day and it is exhausting. I sometimes wonder if I will come out on the other side? And I took my bulimia again….

 

But the love inside my heart, beats hard for this man. We both have a past, but it is what it is. We know we belong together, there is nothing that will stop me from fighting this fight and I intend to win. To capture his love, heart and soul, show him that I am worth having by his side. As for me and my brain, I am not crazy, I just have a few diagnoses that make me different from other people. I wish it could be removed, but medicine and pills keep me in check, a place where i am closer to myself than for years. So I know loving me and being with me is not easy, but believe me when I say I try to I know you try. We are soul mates, we click like I have never done before. We have our moments, but I always miss him when he is not here and I love him more than life itself.

 

I am not a perfect person, far from, but I do my best and I hope you see this. you people on the streets, looking at me. I am not weird, strange or so different. On the outside, I look “normal”, but this illness is not visible, it is the invisible chronic pain and voices twirling around in my head. I do not know what is wrong with me, but apparently there is a huge mistake being me, there is nothing I can do right. I fail, I really believe I am a burden, and should not be on this earth. I belong six feet under.

 

But what do i do when he is saying we’re not in sync, is it all me or is it something that is not right. People leave me when we should talk, trying to bring the trust back in a relationship. I am sick, but it is not my fault. I feel alone in this world, always. I love with my heart and soul, but it is on its way to be broken, my spirit is gone. last night I took eight sleeping pills and two Valium, nothing knocks me out, it just make me sleep. I do not want to wake up anymore, I am tired and exhausted of this life. I really do not know what to do anymore, I break when you leave. I get that you need air, but it is always so dramatic. And that is not my style, I am a calm, mentally ill person. I live with these illnesses and sometimes I cannot control it. I hate it, I would change my life for not having these diagnoses. But I am born bipolar, what can I do? Borderline and dissociative follow me everywhere, but I really do not think anyone understand s me.

 

Love,

Any Bryde

When is enough or can it never be


All I asked for was something that is real, won’t flood away, lie, I cannot or won’t have to think about people and their troubles… Shouldn’t I be able, grown, sure enough and good to get the dream that I want this time around. The one the have the same idea of living not having toe enough to get whomever I wanted? I have never been drawn to a person in that way, or correction – I  am in the middle of my two. Should I go for unstable a few years, then to family home dream that i hope exists somewhere around hidden in a place where I silently scream by the top of my lounge.

the wind

When you love someone you, you different feelings, thoughts, pictures and all that pops up inside where you imagine your world. The reason mostly being that I didn’t do dare to say that. But hanging, chilling all if us. Shall say that when they think it closed they pay less intention, but I cannot stay with unchangeable serious if replays. We have to moo slowly, but forward. I love, care and wish I had a huge enough place and enough wealth for all my loved to come and go as they self-want end, never thinking about money, food and have a worry free life forever. This of course I wish for all you out there and it will come faster than you can imagine and it hits you like a carousel, me wanting to jump off roof, of course, I have no idea of who I am anymorThe real me

Endless searching, the lines will go forever a when they finally found the place for difference and a talent spelled in diamonds and gold. These late months I had a few troubling situations, I have lost time and a lot. My hallucinations are worse than ever and the  voices.. Do I now also lose my true love if I do not listen to the good boys talking? Shouldn’t the bad boys lessons be over by now – 34 This Winter, life goes to fast and all I wish for in addition is a strong, healthy, cozy, romantic and loving man that’s loyal. There’s no need for games. Because whatever it is I normally knows.. It’s hard to try when I don’t know what I’m doing or know what the answer is.. You have to understand it’s the change, once in a lifetime. So then, do you believe enough to take the leap?

IMG_8766

Is it the meaning to throw myself after everybody like they’re paper to glue, I’m guessing they either don’t get it or live in the world where we really don’t know right from wrong, left from right or life or death. It’s the spaces where people stopped up and asked themselves. What kind of life they want. Because everything is possible, once you made it and you all know it inside, the small voice that tell us what’s the great path our real dream in life, the one wish you ould get from the universe.

TO turn a life around

Love,

Any Bryde