this summer i ended up in a new box again. homeless is probably the best way to describe it. i do not know how i feel am i sad or sorry. but somehow i am also happy inside me. the burden of a home where people break in and torture me to an almost death is over thank god. so now i am kind of an incognito and new with a vision and a mindset that are truly set free. for those who have blamed me and yelled at me for years i hope you are ashamed and that you will be saddened for ever. i know it might be harsh but my exterior has changed and i have this wish of never being born.
i do not know what i have done wrong nor will i ever know why you are so fucked up. this place where i have lived for so many years are now a place i hate and feel misplaced. the longing for happiness humans animals and life is stronger now that the world shows itself. i know my dreams are big but why not am i always thinking. these streets i have walked are not meant for the living. this is a city where everybody comes to die and certain you will all vanish someday. i see shadows of people from a terrorattack as well for the ones who believe they are something.
is it wrong to be honest and write about life when we all experience loss grief sorrows and death. is this not a place to be us as humans should be. are we not the same under our skin. where would we be if it were not for our ancestors. would we be where we are if it were not for slavery. who are we not to be thankful for life when all some of you do is party and fuck around. i am ashamed for the ones who i have had in my life but now i know that as a victim i have let myself been abused to many times. so i put my foot down and said stop ones again and turned myself around to see the world with new eyes. i wish some of you souls still would be alive next to me but i am humble amd thankful for you being around me. so now i am going to an old new place called seoul hoping for answer and maybe meeting loved ones. i do not know if i am the last in my bloodline but in my papers it says i am the orphan. in hanyang district i have some roots and i hope there are some humans who will see me through. in a heart and a soul i never begged for anything but this time i want someone to just listen to me.
being completely alone and lonely is somewhat natural but also and enlightening. i can distance myself to ignorance and stupidity and see some of you for what and who you really are and supposed to be. this life now for over 36 somewhat years is also something to be thankful for. but in reality i think of the darkness and where my path has been i have grown so much. my burden in life is being alive but now it is time to live for ones.
i took a time out and went on a roadtrip here in norway just before my soul trip to my motherland. i got back yesterday to this city where everything is somewhat not how it suppose to be. my heart and soul is somewhere else and i wish there were a place to rest my head. these years in the cold north of europe has not been easy but i have lived and tried to be me. in the end i can now see that my personality brain body and me are not compatible with the rest of you because you are not how you are suppose to be. this society is ruled by corruption and if we are to be honest there are no real assumptions.
as i got older i grew and got stronger but still i meet the unknown in a way where i am contemplating life to a point where this is all a lie. the science of life is no longer humanity but nowadays it is all about the money. looking searching reading online is a scam a scene unclear for our minds. i wonder how you all suddenly got rich and where you all really are living. looking back i knew this world has had faults but hoping we are the generations to correct them all. but now i see what controlls some of you and that is the darkness the black money marked. a bank is a front like the glass window that shines. behind there is someone just watching us from behind. we never look back but sadly we should and see how we all go in the circle of life.
a new day will rise they say from the top. but is this reality or just an atombomb. all these natural catastrophes and murders are theree really innocent people among us. who should be imprisoned for life are those the ones who killed our loved ones. where are your hearts did you lose them to greediness or are you all on mastcard neediness. i see a lot of young ones these days. looking and searching for hookups and play. why are you not concerned about the future and why are not caring for the humans. on planetearth there are so much to be thankful for but lately you all been destroying the rest of us. is it so that you think you are superior or do you believe that no one sees you.
everywhere i go and places i see i can feel the shadows lurking next to me. knowing you all take advantage of humans is hurting us all but how are we going to live with nothing. are we back to a slavery era where the white man again pretend to be the good one. i do not know why you do not want to work as for paying for education is a solution to someone. with world to seem closer as never before we all fly around and pretend not to care. but sitting alone i know we all think about problems issues deaths and humanity. as for the animals i hope we let them be and remember to feed them because you are poisoning us all with them. i am not sure how we should live our lives but i know this we should respect all living creatures.
september is finally here and i do feel more calm than the previous months. this year has been hell for as well as the past. but why complain when i can tell you all in words about how it is to live and be abused in what these people call the “best country in the world.
i am bought to norway without my concent and would change this life for everything else. but now that i am over 35 years i am blessed to be breathing and seeing the sun. i will not say it has all been bad but mainly i have been abused. by almost everybody in my life but i have deleted them now or as they say “blocked you in facebook. after years with emotional abuse from some of the people. i have cut them out like garbage and cigarettes. to me they have never meant nothing at all because all they do is lie cheat use violence and drink. the words that they use are mainly negative and they spread rumors and lies about almost everybody. i have never wished for them so the loss is not big. but of course i am broken because i have been there for them. but my pride is stronger than these fake people style so it so easy to just say goodbye.
i have been blamed by the girl and she has said to my mom “it is her fault i have no friends had to go to a psycholog and all that. mom you have to pay! the boy is a racist and violent or they both actually are. but some years ago he was kinder than now. these people seem ignonrant and unintelligent to me because all they do is copy cut and paste. thus i really do not know because all their socialmedia is secret. so their life is probably fake with the lies inbetween. as expected of course some people believe in lies and i do not have any energy to tell them otherwise.
this situation and abuse i have been through is hard because again i have been exposed to violence and harm. i wish for a capitol punhisment for these crimes and for the criminals to pay their way in life. in this country the rapers run freely in the streets. where they have goals to fuck at least a new girl every day. i do not know how a person can go through with this. but when i look back at the raper i only see stupidity in his eyes. thinking you are something when you are so ugly and violent is somewhat a laughing stock for the real market! and these people of course are in a group but not a popular one just a messenger thing. i think they have a deal where they drug girls and take them home because everything i have been through since i met them is in shadows. of course the other one broke my ribs and made some friends delete the police report from the prison they work in. i know cause they called me on a number unknown from a prison in oslo norway and i have met them once. i do not remember the names but i know the culprit and his fucked up family so to tell you all karma will hit you!
for the last one he is an fake and someone i dated he has used and abused me as well. the last he did after he got me pregnant was strungle me 3 times in a row. i lost my breath and almost died my neck and throat got crushed and the voice dissapeard. and i lost the unborn beacuse of all of this violence so now i am done with you sociopathic unempathic dumb people. this country is filled with so much criminality and fake news that even the politician parties are in on it! as for the terrorattack here in oslo they all might have a connection because these actions against me remind me of death and blackness. the others that think they have gotten a pass should look back and know that you are breaking all the laws. getting friends to come up to me is not smart when you have restrittiva and not doing your job policeofficer it is bad i have to say. but i know you know so i will see what happens next.