Inside 2017October


“these days i wish for something
like respect love honesty my own family
there has been so much hardships
where i have been left lonely” 12.10.2017
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“two years ago i was put in a coma
where my soul ended up in a realm of drugs and humantrafficking
they emptied our bodies for organs in the mountains of calcutta
and then sent us back to the western world filled with drugs in our blood” 13.10.2017
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“this was the last day of my coma 2years ago
i was awaken by my late dad who passed from cancer 8years ago
so this year i am in my origin
but i still do not know where i was born
so last night i danced the night away” 14.10.2017
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i was “dead but woke up because my dad who passed from cancer 8years ago told me too ; “you have to wake up my girl, this is not a place for you” ~ was his words 💝🙇🏻‍♀️♾ so i woke up on my late dads birthday, 15.10.2015 💔 14.10.2017
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for my dad ; captain th bryde ;
“today my dad would have turned 71
you are born 1946.15.10. and died from cancer 2008.01.10
on this date exactly 2years ago
you woke me up from the coma i was put in ; “jenta mi! du må våkne opp. du har sovi for lenge. dette er ikke et sted for deg. for du skal ikke død nå. så du må kjempe deg tilbake til den levende verden. så følger vi deg og vil alltid passe på deg alle sammen. for vi er de som elsker deg!”
my answer was something like this ; “det går bra pappan min jeg slapper av her. jeg veit ikke hvor jeg er. hvor er jeg, er jeg ikke våken? jeg kan ikke dra fra deg nu når jeg har funnet deg her. jeg savner deg og er helt aleine. pappa jeg elsker deg!”
are some of our words from our conversation in a place where i was without air
so now i am alone in seoul again but with you all around me everywhere” 💝🌌🙇🏻‍♀️ 2017.15.10

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“the goal for life
is a society of peace
of course we will have problems
but we can still live together in harmony” 2017.16.10
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“there are ppl in this world who spend their time hacking and stalking
stealing pictures apps smartphones and digital lives from us humans
you even take our names rape us try to kill us and then brag about it or report a false statement to try to be somebody
so i will stand up and speak the truth and show the world because you are doing this to us who have been around the globe” 2017.17.10
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“sometimes i hold my breath to see if i am still breathing
but then i feel fat as i have the worst eatingdisorders
but leaving the abuser and the shitty country called norway
has helped my soul back home to korea” 2017.18.10
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“surprisingly or not this place also contains fake ppl
sometimes it takes time but in the end they cannot hide it
a commonthing between them is all they care about is money
pretending to be more than us other humans who live honestly
mostly they live of their parents and think they know languages
but intelligent is not measured in how many years you went to privateschools” 2017.19.10

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“these days i realize more and more
separating my mind body soul and heart
nevertheless i see the truth in your eyes
feeling your ignorant spoiled soul
truly hating you for taking my words
and thinking there are rules on how to live love eat and write
wondering how you make your money
seeing a schemer and your black soul” 2017.20.10

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“for a while i thought i could survive alone
realizing now i need someone
being deceived abused and let down
will grow our soul into a dragonite
where i now use my steps
i see different faces hear stories and see seoul in humans eyes
thus i hope to trust the ones i choose
i still expect to somewhat be abused” 2017.21.10

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“awakened again by ppl begging and some of your conversations are just about negativity
it can also be your thoughts but then i feel sorry for you
that your brain contains nothing but stupidity lies repeatedly gossipness
my fault is that i believed some of you where humans
thus everybody has their right to their own opionions” 2017.22.10

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“the sadness to see and know humans heart
can somewhat be more but will it rip us appart
the only i know how to handle pain
is to hurt and selfharm my own self
how i execute pain on myself is a secret i will keep until my breath is taken away
the only thing i will say is that you will never see an outside scar done by myself
if there is a visible scar it is done by someone else” 2017.23.10

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“all these dreaming gets me confused
which of you are the reality or a future view
is it so when i wake up
i say smile to myself and change the outlook for another view
where is the energy that is suppose to include” 2017.24.10

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“last night i ran to sleep
so this morning my brain was filled
i was afraid my 동생 was angry
so i went into her house to be a loving 언니” 2017.25.10

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“now my body and mind is exhausted
from all the negative culprits around me
i wish for a better tomorrow
with light shining down on me” 2017.26.10

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“tired because i woke up in the middle of the night and started working
so my soul is a little empty from lies and culprits
looking for your soul in all the realms i can reach
thus knowing i always have you next to me” 2017.27.10

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“after i went to the war museum alone
i now understand that some people are fake too
so i went and asked my 오빠 where i could eat lamb
so this halloween i only honour the dead souls” 2017.27.10

“i know you see a smile but it is just a millisecond
thinking of something that let me be happy
my choice is to delete rude childish behavioural people
leaving our life more delightful than ever”
“reasonable late awaken this morning
smiling to the world and keep going forward
it is a 안녕하세요 괜찮아
so let us be one and never depart” 2017.28.10

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“my dead souls awakes me by their voices
me i am deep inside vivid dreams
where i walk and fly around from places to places
as i meet people humans and those i love
it is all picture clear with sound and colors
but the exactly locations i harder to pin” 2017.29.10

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“wakening up something rumbling
my 변비 and the 약 i have taken for a couple of days is giving me a little discomforting
but finally it is on the move
after a couple of weeks with nothing” 2017.30.10

much love

Losing A Roll


there has been almost two weeks here in seoul already. and i have never felt more home in a place than now. as i walk around thinking looking listening and feeling a spirit that is closer to mt heart than ever. i have met so many warmhearted humans and tied connections that do feel realer than before. i still lose myself to a place where i am too whimsical and sad inbetween my smiles. as i have walked so many miles i have seen a lot of different styles. but one thing is for sure in this city and that is that love concours all.

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this night as i went out to take pictures my money fell out of my purse. i backtracked but could not find my roll so i had to message my mom again. i feel bad because i only bring sad news and never a smile to someones face. i lost everything even tho i have things but here i feel that i have a place. i bow to the elders and see how the times has changed. but recognize places i have been sometimes before. i do not know when exactly to be honest and it could be a vivid dream i have dreamed before. as i see all of you on the streets laughing i wonder how is it possible. for thus holiday my soul has broken because of my dead souls. i cry and cry and wonder why my tears fall bu sadly i know i get to easily upset. as i take all these pictures i am thinking about my loved ones and wonder do you see the real me at all.

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sometimes i put my headphones on and walk with my music to do not think at all. but then again i miss your voices so i think maybe we should collab and stall. in this place where the sun shines and the moon rise above us we listen to the voices that surrounds us all. and these days i think about the man i lost over 13years ago. he died and we were suppose to get married but maybe the fate is to sometimes lose one love. so we can know how to love another and not to accept abuse at all. thus i know i have been abused bullied hitten and raped. even that there has been murder and broken ribs inside. i wish for someone to think and believe my words and voice as i have done for you all. i do not know what my future will look like but there is one thing i do know for sure. and that is that you people have to do something to help us humans or you will die ones more.

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look around you and see how the world is changing and open your minds to a society for us all. here in my motherland there are so many different humans that i can feel and see the exchange of loved souls. but i have to admit that i struggle within because the lack of living is somewhat real and open for us all. letting people getting away with murder and abuse should not be something we should see anymore. i have this summer lost unborn humans and now i will not take this anymore………

much love

This Is A Place For My Soul


i arrived here in korea on the 21th of september since then i have walked almost all around this city. of course i have bought a few things to remember and the won has been spent all over town. my soul is happier now than ever but my tears fall down from the corners of my eyes. i have talked eaten and met a lot of good humans and this country is so much more than my soul can remember. i have fallen for this place and found something to cherish so i bought myself an hanbok to wear for seoul and my birthparents.

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the summer is late but warm and comforting as i have brought my dresses and style for my own. the air is clean even tho there are a million cars driving around on the road of seoul town. as i see all the fellow koreans i think to myself that i am where i belong. but i feel dumb because i cannot speak the proper language and are somewhat stupider than the common man i know. i know how the words are written and pronouced but still i have not learned the meaning alone.

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i have met someone that i keep close in my soul and there are new friends running all over town. these lights shine as stars with colors that do not fade. and as the led light blinks a picture is shown. i see your souls and feel the uncertain thus i know some of you judge my soul. i have seen both rich and poor and i belong to this town. i have tried some of the dishes i have dreamed about but still there are so much more to come. as i have walked by the river and failed at seouls national cemetary i will go back tomorrow to show respect for the dead souls.

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the rules and ethics are somewhat been mixed and i have remembered the wrong ones i know. my mind has gone so far and long that the timeline and railway does cross all over town. as we mix the old with the new i have much more to experience and wish for this seoul to be a gold mine of its own. where i try to write poetry in hangeul i do not know. but i hope to be respectful when the day will come. there are so many souls and i have opened up a realm and a way where an 오빠 has come into my seoul. whether there are us or another the time will show but one thing i know is that love has not gone. as far as i have traveled i have found a place i can call home………

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much love

 “우리는 우리의 영혼과 함께 사는 것처럼 살고 있습니다.”~김유화이 ♾ 2017 #증만ㅅㅎ에로한원김유화이 #author #시인 #한국사람 #alone #anybryde #김유화이 #everydaymoments #fighting #travelinginkoreaseoul #서울에서 #anybrydephoto✌

 

 

 

What Is Freedom


this summer i ended up in a new box again. homeless is probably the best way to describe it. i do not know how i feel am i sad or sorry. but somehow i am also happy inside me. the burden of a home where people break in and torture me to an almost death is over thank god. so now i am kind of an incognito and new with a vision and a mindset that are truly set free. for those who have blamed me and yelled at me for years i hope you are ashamed and that you will be saddened for ever. i know it might be harsh but my exterior has changed and i have this wish of never being born.

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i do not know what i have done wrong nor will i ever know why you are so fucked up. this place where i have lived for so many years are now a place i hate and feel misplaced. the longing for happiness humans animals and life is stronger now that the world shows itself. i know my dreams are big but why not am i always thinking. these streets i have walked are not meant for the living. this is a city where everybody comes to die and certain you will all vanish someday. i see shadows of people from a terrorattack as well for the ones who believe they are something.

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is it wrong to be honest and write about life when we all experience loss grief sorrows and death. is this not a place to be us as humans should be. are we not the same under our skin. where would we be if it were not for our ancestors. would we be where we are if it were not for slavery. who are we not to be thankful for life when all some of you do is party and fuck around. i am ashamed for the ones who i have had in my life but now i know that as a victim i have let myself been abused to many times. so i put my foot down and said stop ones again and turned myself around to see the world with new eyes. i wish some of you souls still would be alive next to me but i am humble amd thankful for you being around me. so now i am going to an old new place called seoul hoping for answer and maybe meeting loved ones. i do not know if i am the last in my bloodline but in my papers it says i am the orphan. in hanyang district i have some roots and i hope there are some humans who will see me through. in a heart and a soul i never begged for anything but this time i want someone to just listen to me.

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being completely alone and lonely is somewhat natural but also and enlightening. i can distance myself to ignorance and stupidity and see some of you for what and who you really are and supposed to be. this life now for over 36 somewhat years is also something to be thankful for. but in reality i think of the darkness and where my path has been i have grown so much. my burden in life is being alive but now it is time to live for ones.

much love