Wake Up Call


there comes a time in your life when you realize the truth about those who were suppose to be your so called “family. after all the abuse i have been through in the past and finding out i am pregnant i have been thinking about this a lot. because bringing my innocent baby into a world of people who pretend they love me is not what i want for my baby or myself anymore. the feeling and knowing that i am unwanted in the “family i was adopted to makes me want to kill both myself and a lot of other people. so honestly, to you fucked up ignorant selfish “i-live-a-perfect-life-people that think forgiveness is “pretending to care and love the people who let you down is the solution. you have never experienced real heartbreaks, deceive or anything close to loneliness in your life.

in my life i have recovered myself from every single situation and illnesses. even all the abuse and violence i have experienced, i have and still are recovering all by myself – all without any help or support from those who should have been here through the years! all the trauma in my life is unknow to almost everybody and you think you know the real reason why i cannot work. the truth about me not working is because of physical illnesses, chronic pain, abuse, terror and physical damages. and yes in the end all this makes you extremely depressed and exposed to diagnoses, but not a bad human. but you never really cared enough to even talk about it or ask me. so i have pretended since i was a child that i have been ok, happy and strong. but fighting through everything has made me strong but also lonely, and also exposed to even more abuse and violent people. knowing this is a circle i am fighting, i will now be able to see the bullshit in your eyes and actions.

in the society and world we live now there are so many people that do horrible things and get away by lying or paying someone to help them. it is sad to see that you still have not open your eyes to us who tell the truth and fight for justice. my childhood was not good at all. but i have had good memories with humans that i have spent time with that is not a part of my adopted family. honestly i also had good moments with some of you that was and still are in the adopted family, but this was before my aunt died. after that it felt like everything i believed in fell apart, except for having a grandma that never judged me and that i could talk with. i also had an uncle that i loved, but sadly now almost everyone whom i loved are dead. and honestly, the wrong humans died! i never felt that i have belonged in that home or so called “family. but i wanted to believe that you were good, seeing it now i think i have changed my mind. because to you everything seems to be about money and not love.

i have messages on my accounts where you write horrible things and i hope you read them in regret while you read this! because not supporting a family member, even though i have been bought and apparently not a human that was wanted, oh i have some messages linking to this too. i hope you all have a change of heart! i will honestly tell you all from the bottom of my soul that i wish i rather grew up here in korea, in an orphanage instead. but yes, i had things, nice things, when i grew up and at least i know some of those who was around me loved, but they are still not alive. and as for all the fake-ass-friends i have had through the years i hope you or someone close to you will experience real pain so you know what it is to be abused is about! but knowing you, you will probably pretend like nothing happened or never talk and admit it! because i know a few secrets about almost everyone i have met.

 

 

Purple Lotus Movement


Purple Lotus Movement

PayItForward

donations so we can help the world together

$5.00

this is so we can build up our lives again ~ us who has been sent away from korea but wish to live and be back home again. this is a project to help raise money so we can find housing work and get help to build up our community and lives again. ofcourse this is only for us who lives here and work together for our community where we want to live and work for a united society of adoptees in seoul. i wish to find a building where we all can live and then help other adoptees to start their lives here again. so if there are humans who want to contribute or help please contact me by email.

it is very sad for me to write this but this country has made so much money of us who are adopted. because still there are koreans that live here as orphans in facilities that also i wish to help. there are so many talented and well educated humans among us adoptees and most of us suffer because of the feeling of being rejected ; abandoned ; racism ; abuse ; mental health issues ; illnesses. so coming back home and have a place where we can help ourselves and others so we can live here and learn the korean language and work is something that is very much needed.

as for example there are organizations who help with school intuition ; language classes ; f4visa : guesthouses. but there should be a place where we could have a community and thrive because we are all humans and have huge resources and can contribute in our own way to our homecountry.

much love

김유화~Aitreuya YooHwai LilandBryde Kim

I Feel


We walk around on this earth like we own this place. But in reality we borrow “time, destroy the planet, each other, some chose hate instead of love and only think of themselves. How did it come to this, how did humans come to believe that we rule alone? When the truth is that we could not exist without animals!

I have to say I feel sorry for humanity and the future of you lost souls! Hopefully my blood will try to make this world a better place for everybody, both animals and humans. Yes it is true we are different, some are vegans, vegetarians, eat meat and so on. The thing is that there is no right answer for this, because of the difference in humans, rich verses poor, healthy verses sick. When I am alone I always cry, because the thought of life makes me sad. In this world there are so many rich people, but what good does that do when humans spend their money on things and cruelty to destroy others? You should try to give back to society, help the ones in need, stand up for the weak and make your time here worth your while! It is not important to have a big house, all the materials things or a lot of money if you do not live with your heart and soul!

I know all this, as I always wanted everything, but as I grew older I see what really is important! Live with your heart on your sleeves, let people know when you are not OK, do not fake your life, do not chase things and do not let money lead your way! Live with a wealthy heart, healthy soul and always choose happiness! Because when you do not have anything left, love and heart is everything. Coming home to someone who cares, ask you how your day was, feed you, hug you, love you and never judge you! It is not where you live that counts, it is how you live your life. If someone smiles to you when you are out walking, smile back – because we are all the same, no matter where we are from!

This world makes me so sad, because there are still people who believe that they are worth more than others just because they have grown up with people who put bad thoughts in their head!

As a child from an orphanage, an orphan, I have so much to be thankful for! I am thankful for my korean family, that gave me the chance to a new life filled with love, my norwegian family for giving me good values, a country with a health system and the love from people whom I truly love! There are no words that I can use to describe to you how my heart really feels, all I can say is that I am blessed to be experiencing love on a daily base from myself again now!

Of course I would give my all to meet my korean family, but I also know how heartbreaking it can be for my biological parents to admit that they had to give me up. So if you see this or if i get to meet you before I leave this world; I am humbled, thankful  and blessed in life! I have a heart of gold and a motherland that accepts me for me!

IMG_2577

Love,

김유화