Ghost Town

Another day, week, month goes by in this place we call a city, like an awfull cloud it feels like an epedemic hit my earth. And all the people are walking around like zombieplanes and woreholes. Nevertheless this place we call Oslo is so badly hurt that it pains me to see all the eyes made of stoneglass. Lately i have been contemplating why, but also realizing how it all came to this. There are so many innocent humans that goes through a living hell and turning into drug addicts because of jealousy and betray.

The worst thing is looking around and seeing all the people walking around town. Thus i really care for humans, this is not something everyone should see. Breathing, being alive is so precious and humbling, but no one really cares when they set a needle in their arms. Killing souls because they think they will get money or a parden, from whom i ask myself every single day? Unless someone comes soon there will be few left, but does that really matter when some of them started this epedemic?

Listening to the stupid people talk is getting to much thinking they are worthy somethimg more than they put themselves on. Really, should you get a grip, taking your own life back instead of listening to others saying bad things about you or someone else. I do not live in the place where i grew up, nor in my motherland where i really want to go. The furter this goes, the more people and families you all hurt and all i can do is wait it out, think and be patient. But i am grown up now realizing what is right and wrong. Finally i found myself back again and in dragons year i will always rule from now on!

Some are sore, some are hurt, others are in pain and a dying soul. But why should i save people who blame my name and kill me digitally? There are so many questions in my head, opening up all my eyes, and channels my energy to left and right. I wonder why no one sees the truth when they look into the morror? Do you really see deathness inside your soul or do you think you are beautiful???

Much Love

Adopted ~ A way Back Home

한 입양아의 고향으로 가는 길
There are no memories of me as a child or baby.내게는 애기때 기억이 없습니다. I have some pictures that friends of my Norwegian parents took while visiting me in Seoul at the childcare home winter of 1983.노르웨이 양부모님들 친구들이 1983 (천구백팔십삼) 년 겨울에 고아원에서 찍어준 어릴적 사진은 몆장 있습니다. My story starts earlierBut around May in 1983 제 이야기는 1983 (천구백팔십삼)년 오월에 시작됩니다. Someone found me in a box on the stairs of the streets of Busan.저는 부산 길거리 한구석에서 박스에 버려진채로 발견 됐습니다. With me in the box there were a note saying;제 이름, 생년월일이 적힌 쪽지도 있었습니다. Kim Yoo Hwa 1981.12.11김유화 천구백팔십일년 십이월 십일일생I was seriously underweight, emaciated, small, scrappy, in a really bad shape and with a hernia.발견 당시 저는 저체중에다가 무척 작고 수척했으며 헤르니아 증세까지 있었습니다. I do not know where my operation took place.수술은 언제 어디서 했는지 모릅니다. All I have is 15stitches on each side to show for it.다만 제 몸에는 열다섯 바늘 꼬맨 자국이 남아있습니다. My life before June 1983 is unknown.천구백팔십삼년 유월 전에 기억은 아예 없습니다.All I know about my heritage is that I am a South Korean who might have connections to Hanyang.제가 아는 제 혈통에 대한 유일한 단서는 제가 한국인이라는 것 뿐입니다. I have no memories or pictures in my head only what I have been told.오직 주위에서 주워들은 것 뿐이며 제 머리속 기억은 아예 없습니다. Honestly, my memories of my childhood are erased.솔직히 말해, 제 어릴적 기억은 지워진것이 확실합니다. I have been through a whole lot of stuff and my childhood here in Norway was not easy either.여태까지 많은 트러블 속에서 살아왔고 제 유아시절 또한 그리 쉽지만은 않았습니다. I did not stay in Busan I ended up at a childcare home in Seoul;부산에서 발견 후에 서울에 있는 고아원에 맡겨졌습니다. “Laughing and playing,웃고 놀고 Looking to blue heaven,파란 하늘을 보면서 And think,생각하고 Make dream,꿈을 꿔라 Prosperity for tomorrow”순탄한 내일을 위하여 A huge sign in front by the entrance said.라고 고아원 정문에 써있었습니다I spent about six months there before luckily being adopted and sent to my new home in Norway.6개월 고아원 생활을 하고 노르웨이로 입양됐습니다. Friends of my Norwegian parents came by to visit, take pictures and gave me a teddy bear.양부모님 친구들이 고아원을 방문에 제 사진을 찍고 곰인형을 선물로 주셨습니다. But the older kids took my bear and that is the only memory I have.하지만 다른 고아원 아이들이 제 곰인형을 빼앗았어요,I was blessed, chosen to a new life – a family – a second chance at life.새로운 가족에게 입양되고 새 삶을 살아갈수 있는 기회를 얻게된 저는 행운아 입니다.I arrived in January 1984 at Fornebu Airport in Oslo Norway.천구백팔십사년 일월 노르웨이 오슬로 공항에 도착했어요.Anxious, very hungry, so underweight, malnourished, small and still in bad shape.그때 당시 저는 불안했고, 많이 배고팠고, 저체중에다가 영양실조까지 있었습니다.My mom, two aunts and one uncle came to pick me up at the airport.엄마, 이모들, 삼촌이 저를 대리러 공항까지 마중나왔습니다. My new Norwegian family.내 새 노르웨이 가족 My mom had to go onboard to get me.엄마가 비행기 안까지 들어와 저를 대리고 가셨습니다. Yellow shoes, yellow jumpsuit and so scared.그때 저는 노란 옷, 노란 신발을 신고 무척 무서워했습니다. Everything was unknown.모든게 낮설었으니까요. 
Finally, after a long journey, my trip ended at our new home.긴 여행을 마치고 마침내 새 집에 도착했습니다. There were a lot of problems.하지만 많은 문제가 생겼어요. The food was the big one.음식이 그중에 큰 문제였어요. My mom told me that she had to hold me in her arms while I was watching every second of the potatoes boiling.엄마는 부글 부글 끓는 감자를 뚤어지게 쳐다보는 저를 꼭 잡고 계셔야만 했어요 It was really bad because of the childcare homes where the strongest survived and I did not get any food.고아원에 있는 동안 저보다 덩치큰 아이들 사이에 떠밀려 밥을 제대로 못 먹었기 때문이에요.So, of course, one of my main worries was not being fed.그래서 자연적으로 밥먹기가 늘 스트레스였어요. My PTSD was so bad that my aunt had to cook all our meals and come to our house with portioned plates.스트레스 장애 때문에 저는 늘 저 혼자만을 위하며 분할된 음식을 먹었어요 No food could stay unwatched.집안에 있는 모든 음식이 그냥 방치될수 없었어요 I ate everything and anything.제가 다 먹어버렸으니까요Like you see I am the small Korean girl that grew up here in Norway.보시다시피 저는 노르웨이에서 자란 조그만 한국소녀입니다Spent years thinking and dreaming about my motherland.몆년동안 조국에 대해 꿈꿔왔어요 Finally, I found our school and I feel now as if my puzzle slowly falls into pieces.마침내 우리 학교를 찾게 된게 저 한테는 퍼즐 한조각을 맞추게 된거 같아요 Adoption is an amazing thing, really, giving life to another human.입양은 한 사람에게 새로운 기회를 주는 훌륭한 제도에요. Making our world a better place.세상을 이롭게 해요Because we all have dreams, views and often wonder “how did it come to this”.왜냐하면 우리 모두한테는 꿈과 생각과 ´이게 어떻게 이렇게 된걸까´하는 의문이 있기 때문이에요. Not every story is the same.제 이야기는 여러분의 이야기와 달라요 But I think most of us, adopted people, is thankful, blessed and humbled over our second chance of life.대부분의 입양아들이 자신들이 받은 기회에 감사하고, 기뻐해요Like me,저처럼I am thankful for my life,저는 제 인생에 my Korean family,제 한국에 있는 가족에게 My Norwegian family,제 노르웨이 가족에게 Friends,친구들에게 everybody who loved and loves me,절 사랑하는 이들에게 And all of you who has been here for me,그리고 제곁에 있는 모든 이들에게 감사해요 All I really want is to come back home once more…꼭 한번 제 고향에 다시 갔으면 좋겠어요 Love,Yoo Hwa”유화가 iPhone용 Yahoo Mail에서 전송됨

Realizing awakening white Lotus

Being a single person, at least not a lady here in the West is not something I would recommend. If you stand out or never lie, the easier it is for people to use you and blame their own faults and bad behaviour on others than themselves. Lately this life here in Norway has been described as a “dream come true”, but in books and in Norwegian magazines, so where is this fiction lives to show for? But honestly this place is build up from hatred, racism, corruption, drugs, extortion and copy pasting! There is always a fine lining in the cotton they wear. The cheapest of all because they think they can compare themselves with a right and wrong answer…that most of them find in a drawer or online!

This country has sadly forsaken themselves and all some of you think of is how much money you think have! There is good humans that live the right way and have their glassmasks on everyday. If we do not look right in someone elses eyes we are easily judged and “thrown away! The worst thing about this fabulous lifestyle they think they live is the lack of intelligence and humanity! Once we open our mouths for the people who think they own us, they just look down on us because we speak the proper language! Sadly and wrongly they think we have to go to school to be “smart, when life is about experience and an open mind! And the corruption in this place of help is growing to a size where there is soon nowhere back. But here they do not see themselves in the mirror all they see and think is “me me me me me me me” and things! The more I experience and go through in my life I reckon and realize the truth in your eyes. Hatred, envy, jealousy and misfortune is growing for you half people!

To think ones intelligence can be measured by a test that we all can learn the answers to is so stupid that I hope some of you soon open your eyes! Not that I have a bachelor or another degree, but the lack of life and experience is not in my life to see. The answer is not always the same or the right way, the life you lead is telling your story! I wish I had more positivity towards the people here, but still there are humans that live truthfully! Realizing your own worth and wealth is a start but when you only google people names and birthdays you lose all you got!

To think ones intelligence can fool the enlightened is not the smartest move you boys and girls! I do not mean to be rude just trying to get you to see and not use propaganda to fill your own shit. Whenever you are ready just open the borders, this will change a society for the better. So this silence is probably the sign of you listening and that you might be ready for once in your lifetime! This world and earth is not yours to own and destroy it is a place to call haven to sing and enjoy! Lately this life is not all that you got, so you all use your credit cards because you all think you are so smart. But the debt and the guilt will kill your soul and your heart, so think before you close your own eyes.

Much Love